


not in our favor

by zzzzzzzo



Category: Dangan Ronpa, Hunger Games Series - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Angst, Chihimondo - Freeform, Chimondo, Cute, Dark Past, Fluff, Healthy Relationships, Humor, M/M, Seriously tho, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, but they're okay really!, not that violent tbh but a little bit, really is like the hunger games, you're not even ready
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-09-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:49:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 22,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7533403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzzzzzzo/pseuds/zzzzzzzo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Mondo Oowada.”<br/>The first time was five years ago.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>This time it’s sunny. Besides that, it’s more of the same. The sympathetic glances from those around me. The careful nudge, more cautious now that I’m approaching seven feet, rather than just a stubborn kid.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>And that’s it. Me and the girl tribute are ushered onto a train, and I say goodbye to my home just like that, possibly forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> whoooooa, is this a multichaptered fic i'm actually gonna finish! i believe it indeed is! :D what a shock.
> 
> will update on tuesdays and thursdays probably? i dunno, i have most of it done already so if it is infrequent it'll probably be from me posting more often than that, enjoy! will include warnings for any racey stuff in chapters as it comes, though it's gonna be pretty innocent for what it is
> 
> hope you like it!

    It is not unusual to hear a name be called on reaping day. Indeed, it would be odd not to hear not just one, but two names called. However, to hear my own name called, and for the second time in a lifetime, is definitely a stand out moment in a teenager’s life.

    “Mondo Oowada.”

    The first time was five years ago. I was twelve then. It had been raining. Under the harsh downpour, I could almost convince himself that I had misheard my name, probably would’ve succeeded if not for the sympathetic gazes I was receiving, the careful nudge of one behind me when my hesitation extended for a notable period of time.

    That next minute is a blur, a scar left on my memory and poorly hidden away. The crowd parting before me. Slipping while mounting the stage, and the light laughter from the Capitol people that followed. Standing, shoulders hunched, while the lady asked for volunteers. It is the next moments that snap forth in my mind with unusual clarity.

    “I volunteer.” 

    17 year old Daiya Oowada could part a crowd on any day, looming over those around him. This was no exception, as he mounted the stage with his usual long, loping grace. I had looked up at him. He loomed like a mountain, distorted by memory, as tears and rain both blurred my vision. He had seemed to huge then, strong, indestructible, my amazing big brother, now taking death in my stead.

    “No…” I hadn’t meant to say it until the word had already escaped my lips.

    Daiya had smiled, and that was the scariest thing of all.

    “It’s okay, lil bro. Go find Mom.”

    “But..”

    “Go.” Firm, now. That “don’t fuck with me” voice he got from mom and used in extreme cases only. A voice I had always obeyed.

    Not this time.

    “No, Daiya, you can’t, you have to--” Mom seized me under the armpits, carried me away as I writhed and scream. Nonono, not Daiya, take me instead, please, I yell every time I close my eyes.

    Guess I’m getting that wish now.

    This time it’s sunny. Besides that, it’s more of the same. The sympathetic glances from those around me. The careful nudge, more cautious now that I’m approaching seven feet, rather than just a stubborn kid.

    I go forward. There are no tears, not from me, not even from mother as she watches me mount the stage for the second time in my life. This time, the call for volunteers is met with silence. No one is here to take my place. I stand stiffly by the Capitol lady and the girl tribute, looking straight ahead.

    Please don’t, please don’t, dear god _please.._

    “Say, I recognize that name. I would anywhere! Aren’t you that little boy whose place was taken a few years back?” I give a terse nod, and the lady absolutely squeals with delight. Quite exciting of a twist, indeed. “Oh, you poor dear, the odds are surely not in your favor! Couldn’t stand letting your brother taking the spotlight, eh? Shame about him, he did get quite far. Nearly came out of it alive.”

    “A feat I plan on accomplishing,” I say quietly. This is met with silence, possibly awed, I think. I suppose a stern, fighting spirit will come across well for the cameras, but that isn’t why I said it. I have never been more set on anything in my life: I will live. I will get out of this. Daiya will _not_ die in fucking vain.

    I feel as if I’m moving on autopilot as I am escorted to District 12’s Justice Building. My mother’s hug is firm, squeezing me tight. The last time I was hugged like this was five years ago, come to think of it. No words are exchanged between us. Her eyes are enough.

    I don’t exactly have many friends, so it’s a surprise when at least fifteen people burst in the room, disregarding the disgruntled Peacekeeper. Daiya’s old gang. None of them are big on Daiya insisting I take over. Whispers would follow me everywhere, how I don’t deserve it, a child basking in his brother’s old glory, as if I want the damn gang in exchange for my own brother’s life. I don’t exercise this technical authority, anyway, and they’ve gotten over it. Developed a gruff fondness for me when I was younger, tossing me scraps of food and stuff. Nowadays I’ll get an occasional ruffle of carefully styled hair, or an underhanded, sarcastic question hiding the sincerity in querying of my wellbeing.

    None of that coolness remains now, anyway. It’s almost comical, all these grown men bawling, fighting for the chance to hug me. My face is beetred from the excessive attention and touching by the time their three minutes is up.

    My last visitor, too, is a shock. Daiya’s ex girlfriend, a girl from the upper class. I haven’t seen her much. She hasn’t been just staring at a wall for the past five years or some shit, but it’s not like she’s heartless or something. She loved him, that’s for sure, and has been able to move on with other people while still caring. We don’t have much cause to talk, though.

    Now, she gets straight to the point, without any beating around the bush. “Your district token,” she says, handing me something cloth. I look at it. It’s a red armband, with the word ‘menace’ scrawled upon it in too familiar handwriting. Worn, but clearly well cared for. Daiya had made this years ago, a satirical version of those that upperclassmen and monitors of school might wear. I had never known where it went, after what happened. He must have given it to her. And now she’s.. Giving it to me?  
    “Ya sure?” I say, my choked up voice seemingly gruff.

    “Absolutely. He would have wanted you to have it.” Her gaze is intense and serious, boring into me with a kind of stubborn insistence. “Bring it back to me, alright?”

    I nod. She goes.

    My final visitor is the one I’ve been dreading. Taka takes one look at me and bursts into very loud tears; no doubt one of many bouts, judging by the redness of his face, the snot dripping down it.

    “B-brother!” he sobs, clasping me tight. I squeeze back, a pit of nausea in my stomach that has nothing to do with the fluids now soaking into my clothes. It’s only now that I start to cry, in a less manly way than I’m willing to admit.

    The three minutes pass without any words being said. Every time one of us steals ourselves to make some coherent final message, we look at the other and break into another fit.

    Taka goes willingly, if while still bawling, with the Peacekeepers. He sure as heck isn’t going to defy any _rules_ for this, obviously.

    And that’s it. Me and the girl tribute are ushered onto a train, and I say goodbye to my home just like that, possibly forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty short one here, there are some long ones and some short ones so it kinda fluctuates *shrug* i might also post saturdays or something, because i really like this and love putting it out there! :D as of yet i have about 29 chapters written, and nearly 18000 words, so no worries, a lot'll be coming your way in the near future and all. look forward to it and thanks for such lovely comments :D

    My stylist, Junko Enoshima, is absolutely terrifying.

    I only know her name from television, as there is no time wasted with introductions on her part. She grasps me, sharp nails digging and sure to leave marks, and immediately all but drags me off the train and to a room. My clothes tear some when she snatches them off with little in the way of speaking to scope my body. A hand over my crotch is swiftly yanked away by her claws.

    “What gorgeous muscles you have!” she purrs in enthusiastic falsetto. “So rare in one from your district... Not a bad shaft either. I’ve seen better, of course.” She chatters away, washing my hair as her assistants shave and shine me. I feel like a doll being toyed with, and jerk every time I’m touched, but keep my mouth shut. My mentor, a recent victor named Naegi Makoto, warned me on the train I had to be docile during this process.

    “Just hope her nails don’t leave as many cuts as they did to me,” he had cracked with a tiny smile. “You don’t want to lose too much blood before even entering the arena.” I had chuckled awkwardly at the time, but I’m pretty sure I’m actually bleeding in at least three places.

    Sure enough, she picks at a cut irritably. “Ugh, this’ll stain your outfit. AVOX, GET YOUR ASS IN HERE!” Her screech makes me wince.

    “Stain? I won’t be in black?” Damn, I was counting on my district ensuring I can at least wear something predictable, like how I usual dress.

    “I’m going for the ash angle this year,” she says absentmindedly, distracted with primping her own hair. Over her shoulder; “I DON’T HAVE ALL DAY.”

    A small teen with chin length blonde hair scuttles in. He looks like a small bird in his white tunic draped over elegantly narrow shoulders. When his hazel eyes meet mine, he lets out a small, strangled gasp and drops a first aid kit.

    “Oy!” Junko backhands him roughly and the boy lets out a tiny squeak, hurrying to pick it up. “Gosh, what’s with you? Useless thing,” she grumbles, returning to her platinum hair.

    Careful small hands fumble with the kit and dab antiseptic on my small cuts. I grunt at the slight sting and eye him curiously. “What’s up with you?” I mutter. Something about him is vaguely familiar, though I can’t garner what. He gives a tiny head-shake, keeping his eyes set steadfastly downward. Weird. It gets even weirder when I notice his (seriously pretty) eyes watering. I want to ask what’s wrong, because seriously, what the hell, but I doubt Junko would take things kindly if I draw attention to him. Instead, trying to keep the movement small and subtle, I carefully brush my knuckle along his lower lash-line. He jumps a little, eyes flashing up at me for a split second. I’m shocked at the anguish within them.

    He gets some band-aids on me in record time and jumps away, standing against the wall as if he’s trying to blend in. Junko notices he’s finished and examines me. “Perfect.” No thanks for the boy. “Such a shame to cover you up..” the nails skimming my abs make me shiver, “but we’d better get you dressed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> real quick if anyone's wondering about chihiro, he's is a bit less feminine by the point this takes place, and doesn't cross dress in his position, and his hair's a bit shorter and stuff how i'm imagining here. like mid puberty? don't worry, there will be fluffy girly tiny cute chihiro too, and he's still pretty cute, but definitely growing up here


	3. Chapter 3

    I collapse into my bed here the moment the cameras are off me and I’ve stripped down to my boxers. It’s too big, luxurious, for me to settle properly, but it’ll do after the day I’ve had. I wriggle lower to have the feeling of my legs hanging off the end, like I’m used to. Jesus. That was fucking exhausting. The girl and I drew the eye more than usual for District Twelve, thanks to our bright costumes being more visible under the twilight than our usual black. The blinding lights and straight, firm, badass pose have taken a toll, and I have a splitting headache. Tomorrow I start training, so I should get some rest, but it’s impossible to get comfortable. God, I wish I could go home.

    A light knock makes me groan. Ugh, is there _more?_ Give me a break. “Come in,” I grumble, not bothering to sit up.

    The footsteps are too slow to be Junko and too soft to be Naegi. I take a peek when they stop and see the Avox standing by the side of my bed, eyes lowered. Oh. I sit up quickly, banging my head on the bed’s frame. “Shit!” I grab my skull and lean bury my face in my knees, sitting in an upright fetal position. I hear a small sound and look at the Avox with a sullen eyes. He’s doing what can only be surmised as giggling, a tiny one behind pale fingers. He stops when he notices my gaze, but it looks like he’s holding back a smile. What a dick.

    A cute one, but still.

    “Shaddup,” I grumble, and his smile widens, presumably at the irony. “Whaddoya want, anyway?”

    Welp, that smile’s gone. His face is shy as he offers a mug of what I can only guess is hot chocolate, considering the pile of whipped cream hiding the drink itself from my sight. “Oh. Well, shit. Thanks, man.” I accept it, a soft pit in my stomach at this small kindness. It’s weird to have someone thinking of my wellbeing here in the Capitol. I take a sip, the warm sweetness coursing a soothing relaxation throughout my entire body. Muscles I didn’t even realize were tense slacken.

    The Avox smiles a little as I drink. When I put down the mug for a moment, he starts to shake with breathy, imperceptible laughter. He covers his mouth with one hand and pokes his nose with the other. I blink and touch my own nose, my hand coming away with a splotch of whipped cream. Oh. I flush and wipe it off gracelessly, licking my hand without giving it much thought. His smile is wide enough to peek out from under his hand, a dimple emerging in his right cheek. It’s so ridiculously cute it feels like it shouldn’t be allowed. I catch myself staring and hastily take another sip.

    “Can I ask your name?” I blurt it out without thinking. God, I must seem like a freak, but I can’t help this strange drawing towards him.

    He blinks, his too long lashes fluttering upwards in surprise. The hasty head shake isn’t a shock, but the heavy disappointment is. Idiot, what were you expecting? To march off into the sunset with a Capitol criminal? No fucking shit that isn’t happening, dumbass!

    “Right, of course. Never mind. Shit, um. Goodnight.” I chug the rest of the drink, probably burning the crap out of my throat, and hand it back to him. “..Thanks.”

    His eyes linger on me for a second that lasts a lifetime. Then he’s gone in a flash, his light steps making him seem to glide from the room.

    I collapse back on my bed the moment he’s gone, staring up at the ceiling. God. How does he _do_ that? He’s gorgeous, of course, not one to stand out, but in a soft way. Effeminate but still undeniably male in the veins of his wrists, the set of his shoulders, the bob of his adam’s apple. That careful shyness, downturned eyes under strawberry blond lashes, the inexplicable kindness, all is so incredibly alluring… and, strangely, nostalgic.

_Why the hell is he so familiar? Way off in District Twelve, there’s no way I could know an Avox… Not to mention he definitely has that Capitol look to him. So why do I feel so fucking sure we’ve met?_

_It seems like he recognizes me too. God, if only he could talk…_

    “Fuck!” I punch an unnaturally soft pillow to punctuate the curse. Still, I fall asleep surprisingly quickly, the warmth of the hot chocolate still lingering in my heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff fluff fluff fluff


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> monday wednesday and friday feels more symmetrical so let's go with that  
> iiiiintroducing our tributes~!

    A few days later, decked out in an elaborate suit with a long jacket to hint at my badassery, I sweat balls as I watch the other tributes' interviews. It’s all I can do to not tug the uncomfortable collar as I wait agonizingly for my turn. Certain people stick out in my mind, the others fading into a muddle if I stop listening or if they simply don’t catch my eye. 

    Byakuya Togami, District 1’s male tribute, speaks in a cool voice, fingers knitting and moving as if weaving a web. He gives an air of confidence, cocky and secure in his victory before the gong has even rung. This confidence, alongside immaculately styled blonde hair, glasses, and a sophisticated green suit, quickly win him the crowd’s favor.

    The female tribute from District 2, Touko Fukawa, seems like the opposite. She speaks in a low voice, defensive, constantly tugging her long braids, and frequently is asked by the interviewer, Yasuhiro Hakagure, to repeat herself. It’s strange, when viewing the reaping on television I distinctly remember her volunteering with deranged vigor, mouth open in an unsettling grin. It’s a 180, to say the least.

    Aoi Asahina, a fittingly tanned girl of District 4, seems much too sweet to be in the Games, especially coming from a Career District. She had, as I recalled, volunteered to take the place of her younger brother. It’s clear she lacks any bloodlust; she tears up when asked how she feels about the imminent deaths. Besides that, she is sweet, albeit airheaded, and quickly wins over the audience, seemingly without any underlying intention.

    Sakura Oogami of District 7 catches my eye, but I can’t imagine anyone’s eye  _ not _ being caught by her. She’s huge, extremely muscular and with long white dreads and a scar across her nose. She speaks in a low voice and gives mostly one-worded answers. She strikes awe in everyone, and I notice a few younger tributes gaping as she returns to her seat.

Celestia Ludenberg of District 8 speaks smoothly, sweet yet unsettling. Her demeanor is carefully controlled and seems almost too perfect, down to her carefully corkscrewed pigtails and elegant lolita outfit. She is eerily calm discussing her plans to win, whatever must be done. I sure as shit hope I don’t have to encounter her face-to-face in the arena.

The other tribute from District 8, Hifumi Yamada, couldn’t be more different than her. He is overweight with dark hair and round glasses hiding his eyes, and his hopelessly untidy hair making even his formal wear look comical. He seems vaguely creepy and apparently perverted, but it’s not taken seriously in light of his unintimidating appearance and squeaky voice.

My turn comes, dead last, finally. My stomach turns in a million directions as I take carefully small steps and shake the hand of the interviewer. It is a relief to sit down.

In the seat across from me, Hiro casts me a reassuring smile. His afro is about as ridiculous as my meticulously styled hair, so I’m inclined to trust him. Of course, he asks the question on everyone’s mind. 

    “So, another Oowada,” he leans towards me, shaking his head empathetically. “The odds are certainly not in your family’s favor.”

“Regardless of odds, I plan on returning to them,” I say gruffly, slouching. Naegi advised me to go for the badass heartthrob angle, muscled and tough with occasional flashes of tenderness. I could win sympathy and admiration both that way. Sure enough, my resolve gets a murmur of appreciation.

    “Nice spunk, man!” he says with a grin, offering a high five. As tempting as it is. I stare straight ahead with hard eyes until he looks away awkwardly. His small cough warrants a flutter of laughter from the Capitol. So, so easy to play them, even for me.

    Even with all of Panem watching, the interview goes surprisingly smoothly. He’s naturally pretty easy to talk to, and considering my carefully constructed approach, I barely have to talk as long as I look tough and occasionally say something sweet. Even I can do it.

    It startles me when the bell rings, signally the end of my interview. It really flew by. I give Hiro a small, firm handshake, and cast the audience a brief, cocky smile. They go wild as I return to my seat. Piece of cake.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going to be away tomorrow meeting shane dawson!! :D so next chapter is a day early, oowoops. hope you like it!

    As I’m taking heavy steps back to my room, I see the Avox boy tidying up our living space. 

    “Oy, you!” My impulsive summoning is gruff, so the other’s don’t pick up on my intent. “I’m goin’ to the roof. Bring some food up.” He gives me a long look before remembering himself and nodding hastily. I go up without another word, my eyes silently warning those around me not to ask any questions.

    I’m slouching against a ledge surrounding the roof, looking at the few stars I can see. A gentle tap startles me, his already quiet steps having been imperceptible under the gusts of wind. His eyes flick between the tray and me uncertainly, and I nod towards the ledge. It’s pretty wide, anyway. He lays it down and turns to leave when I tell him to wait. Glancing back, I see him standing still facing away. His shoulders rise in a breath as if to prepare before he turns back to look up at me warily. His eyes ask what his mouth can’t, questioning what I want. 

    I’m not so sure even  _ I  _ know that. I don’t know what I’m going to say until I’m already saying it. “Please, can I have your name? Just, write it with your finger, or, I don’t fucking know-- I mean, you don’t have to, this isn’t an order or something, but-- shit.” I stop myself before I keep babbling on for an hour. My nerves make me raise my voice, and he’s taken a small step back. I take a deep breath and murmur, “Please.”

    I can’t imagine what he must be thinking. His eyes are unreadable as he takes a few small steps forward and takes my hand. The touch makes me redden just a bit, and I force myself to focus on the hiragana his finger traces onto my palm.

    “Chi… Hi… Ro…. Chihiro, huh?” He nods, looking suddenly shy as he then indicates the Kanji used for it. “A thousand fathoms… Fitting.” He tilts his head at me at that, and I keep my eyes carefully trained on a plant someplace behind him as I continue. “It’s just, you seem so familiar, but just out of reach of my memory.. One too many backhands, I guess.” My small laugh is just high enough to be off-putting. “I’ve tried to imagine so many scenarios, fathom them, I guess, but it’s been eluding the shit out of me.” His eyes look so, so sad, but not angry at whatever I’ve forgotten. Indeed, I can even see relief in them. “Fuck, man, I don’t know.. I can’t picture any way we could have possibly met before now.” I shrug. The more my resolve towards what I’m about to do strengthens, the harder it is to look at him. “But…” my knuckle tilts his chin up, and his eyes are huge looking up at me, “to be honest, I don’t think I give a shit.” I duck my head to kiss him lightly. It only lasts a second, but from his face, you’d think I had slapped him. Any of my impulsive confidence is gone in the aftermath as I’m caught tightly held in his eyes for the silence that follows.

    “Phhoof!” I huff in a loud exhale of relief, anything to break that silence. He jumps a little, but I try not to notice to avoid actually melting in embarrassment. Instead I throw my arms up, stretching my triceps while cracking my neck. He stares at me with huge eyes, fingers just skimming his lips, as I jump and kick nothing with a  _ whoop! _ I punch the air several times in rapid succession, just to let loose some pent up energy, and keep myself preoccupied from the impending mortification. When he loosely grips the tail of my shirt, my whole stomach flips. I still and take a breath.

    Turning towards him, “Sorry, I--” and that’s as far as I get before the tiptoeing Chihiro tugs me by the collar down for another. It lasts only a moment again, and this time I’m the one left wide-eyed. He, too, seems surprised by his own actions. A good ten seconds of silent eye contact and I’m kissing him again, hands on his cheeks and neck, his going to rest on my chest, it’s definitely weird and some niggling part of my mind says to stop but fuck it, YOLO, I’m going to the arena tomorrow and may never seem him again and I’m attracted to him and he’s willing and why. Not.

    When we break I’m surprised by how out of breath we both are. Shit, that was longer than I thought. Still doesn’t feel like enough. I open my mouth, not exactly planning just what the hell to say, when I notice the tears in his eyes. Shit. Shit shit shit!

    “Sorry, I--” I try again, but he puts a finger to my lips, shaking his head rapidly. His jaw is clenched and I can see something in him change. He grasps my hand and, with firm eyes unwavering on me, writes on my palm. 

    He writes, “WIN.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay kisses uwu mostly an on the spot never see other again thing tho, don't worry, not some rush thing where they're like in love perfect chemistry right away cause they just met! things'll slow down if they see each other again


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> naegi is a precious baby so let's here what he's gotta say before we get our games going

    It’s the morning of the Games, and I can’t eat. Naegi looks sympathetic as he pushes a plate of dry toast towards me. “At least this. You’ll need your strength, and this is inconsequential enough that even  _ now _ you couldn’t puke it up.” I shake my head, and his lips purse. He sighs, shoving his hands deep in his hoodie’s pockets and leaning back in his chair.

    “Look, Mondo… Do you want my final word of advice, or would you rather just get going on your own at this point?” he asks.  It probably should be up to him, but this is one of his first times mentoring, so every suggestion is a question.

    “Go for it.” My voice is crackly. I take a small sip of tea. At least I’ll have some caffeine in me, if nothing else. 

    “Look, just… Don’t think that it’s brute that wins you the Games. You know how many people I’ve killed?”

    “....” The only Games I can ever seem to remember is Daiya’s. The others blur almost as soon as I see them.

    “One.” He laughs a little at my disbelieving look. “No, really! Just through scavenging and being evasive, I got pretty far. Of course, I had an ally… Is none of this ringing a bell for you at all?” I shake my head. “Right. Okay. I think… I’ll tell you then. But I’m not gonna repeat this!

    “There was this girl. Sayaka Maizono, from our district. We were allies from the beginning. And, starting just a little after the beginning… we might have been a bit more.” I raise my eyebrows sympathetically, but he doesn’t see, gaze fixed downward, though I doubt it’s the table he’s seeing.

    “We worked together well, and there was rarely friction between us. But… the number of tributes kept dwindling and dwindling, and we never broke off our alliance. Stupid, right?

    “There were three of us left. I still trusted her. The fourth tribute had just recently died and left us, so she and I planned to decide what to do about the other in the morning. Leon Kuwata, from District 7. She snuck out while I was asleep.

    “I think she planned to kill him first, so that I could still help if she screamed, and then kill me in my sleep. At least, it seemed like that from the footage.” His voice chokes when he says this. He takes a deep breath, closing his eyes before continuing. “But he caught on and overpowered her. I heard the scream, alright, but by the time I got there, she was already gone.

    “Leon had his back to me, crouching over her. When I saw the… blood, I-- I guess I snapped.

    “I grabbed the first rock I found and-- Well, according to autopsy, that first throw broke his spine. If it hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t be here right now. I probably wouldn’t have been ‘victorious.’” He says the word with bitter irony.

    “I kept going. He was-- screaming, and I just kept going. Even after the canon. The body his family got was hardly recognizable.” Naegi looks as if he’s about to vomit. I would stop him here, tell him it’s okay, to not relive it just for this, but I don’t think my voice would work, anyway.

    Naegi stays quiet for a long moment before shaking his head rapidly. “Look, the point is-- a lot of people think you have to be a vicious killer, or be strong or smart or whatever to win the games, and need to rack up tons of points, or whatever. I didn’t have any of that. I have one kill, and it haunts me. Can you imagine having more?

    “So… just, you might feel pressured to because you’re strong or big or want that street cred, or whatever, but just, don’t kill unless you absolutely have to. It’ll destroy you, and there’s another way, and-- crap, I really don’t know.” He scratches his desaturated brown hair, gray eyes looking up at me uncertainly. “Just-- there’s always hope, I guess. Do you get it?”

    Somehow, I do.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter, but the next 2 this week are pretty long so there's that? the games themselves actually are gonna be a relatively small part of this fic, but if you've got a thing for violence you have come to the right next-couple-chapters :D

    “Ladies and gentlemen, let the 78th Hunger Games begin!”

    The iconic voice of Monokuma, the Games’ longtime announcer with signature di-colored hair, ranges out across all of Panem. He narrates the initial bloodbath the way one would a sports’ match, growing breathless as he struggles to cover every instant of action around 24 children all acting independently. 

    “Aaaaaand we’re off! There the tributes go, and it can be telling who runs to the Cornucopia and who retreats-- interesting that 7 bodybuilders ditching, Sakura-- that’s gotta hurt-- Touko’s got her hands on a weapon, non-Careers should-- oof, told you so-- how strange for Togami to watch from so close without fighting, haven’t seen that be-- goody, look at all that blood!-- Celeste is piggybacking on Hifumi, never thought I’d see that, hope those kids keep things PG here!-- Mondo took off with only a pack and a gash to the bicep, how strange, I imagine the Careers wanted him-- that Hina is heading downhill, good way to find water-- Let’s tally up the deaths!”

    The cannon fires ten times. Thirteen tributes to go. The camera cuts to all the tributes remaining in order of District, updating the audience on the status of the tributes. Togami gives orders to the other Careers, surveying the supplies and making a plan while doing little grunt work of his own. Touko has done a 180, alternating between being horrified by the carnage she caused and casting shy, adoring looks towards Byakuya. Asahina is walking along a stream, unbeknownst to her in the direction of Sakura, who sits on a trunk looking over her scant supplies. Yamada has collapsed on the ground, sweating, while Celestia stands screaming over him, cool nature gone.

    Mondo is the final shown, his female counterpart dead from the bloodbath. He keeps moving at a steady pace, scanning the contents of his pack as he walks. His long hair is now pulled back in a ponytail, exposing his sweaty face set in a determined expression.


	8. Chapter 8

    For the first week of the Games, Mondo spends much of his time out of the public eye by action standards. He still may have caught attention, of course, for being a complete hunk. As others hack each other into oblivion, he keeps a relative distance. An attack by a vicious squirrel is the most exciting thing to happen to him in that time, leaving him with a mangled kneecap. He doesn’t get any diseases, so for the most part this just leaves him a sitting duck for a few days.

    Among the others discussed in the narration, the first deaths happen in rapid succession within this week. Hifumi, just a few nights in, meant to be on guard, dozes off against a tree, leaving him and Celestia both vulnerable to attack. Discovery by Togami and Touko rapidly leads to a whispered argument.

    “I’m telling you, I only kill cute boys!” the girl hisses, turning her nose up defiantly. “Darling Togami-sama, however much I do adore you, I wouldn’t go against my principles!”

    “Just do it! I’d rather not dirty my hands as I can help doing so,” he retorts. “And would you make it speedy this time? Stringing them up has no point considering the hovercraft anyway.”

    In a flash her scissor is held to his throat, holding level gray eyes steady. “Say that again, spid,” she snarls, shaking from the proximity to such a darling boy.

    Byakuya’s mouth opens to retort, but instead sutters in a cough sending forth small flecks of blood. Celestia extracts the knife from his back and gazes levelly at the other girl, the cannon firing. “Much as I dislike going against my own principles as well, the necessity is apparent on occasion,” she says, smiling calmly at the other. “I myself am not satisfied with my current alliance. Would you like to join up?”

    “I…” Touko stutters, staring down in disbelief. “How-- how _dare_ you? _I_ wanted to kill him!”

    “My apologies. I couldn’t be sure you would follow through, and felt it was necessary I take action myself.” Her eyes narrow imperceptibly. “Is that a no, then?”

    “It’s.. I…” Touko’s eyes roll back into her skull as she passes out. It is then that Hifumi approaches the two, rubbing an eye under his glasses. “Wh-wh--what’s going on?” he asks through a yawn. “Whoa!” He wakes fully at the sight of a corpse. “What happened?”

    “Just taking care of business,” Celestia answers with a sweet smile. “Yamada-san, won’t you be a dear and finish her off? I need to wash my hands.” She pouts down at the bloodstained appendages, then looks up at him through her lashes.

    “B-but of course!” Hifumi agrees, puffing out his chest to cover his hesitation. “Anything for you, naturally. You go on tidying up!”

    She blinks at him thankfully and disappears into the forest. Hifumi stares after her for a long moment before turning his attention to the sprawled figure. “Jesus, um…” He twirls his never before used daggar uncertainly, unsure of how to go about the execution. “Take no offense, Fukawa, but I…” He trails off, blade hovering over her throat. “I gotta so sorry goodbye!” he blurts in one breath, squeezing his eyes shut and plunging the blade into her throat. A faint gurgling comes from the girl, and the cannon makes him wince. No amount of denial can conceal the sensation of hot blood bubbling against his fingers.

    He takes a deep breath, wondering if he should, like, pray, or something. Before a word can escape, a small, already stained knife jabs him from behind on the back of his knee. He lets out a strangled cry and falls forward, rolls onto his back to scramble away. One of his eyes can be seen where his lense is missing, staring in wide-eyed disbelief up at Celestia.

    “My apologies,” she says, unsmiling. “I simply couldn’t help but lose patience with such a fat,” she jabbed him in the gut, “weak,” a stab to the eye making him shriek, “talentless,” her knife twisted into his hand, “virgin.” Her final blows location will be omitted here.

    Hifumi lay twitching, faint croaking sounds the only ones escaping his throat. Celestia turns away, before his detestable visage can drive her to continue, and takes a deep breath. She gathers their scattered campsite and heads off in solitude, as no doubt his screams have alerted the other tributes. By the time his cannon fires, she’s put over a mile of distance between them. His agonizingly slow death is broadcast across the nation.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a suicide at the end of this chapter so if you wanna skip i'll tell you what happens in the notes at the end

    If it can be said that any good came of the previous night, it is that these three rapid deaths allowed the tributes a day of peace. It is during this day that Mondo encounters the allied Sakura and Asahina (“call me Hina!”). The three stick together for the following week, bound by their personal principle of navigating the Games without killing… or so they thought. It takes Mondo little time to notice that deaths happen frequently as he and Hina are asleep, and Sakura is keeping ‘watch.’ He brings this up Hina in private, but the girl adamantly refuses to accept that one of their friends could be deceiving them. Mondo leaves the alliance while the other two sleep with a heavy frown that may contain some kind of gruff regret, stifled in light of his circumstances.

    As stubbornly opposed as Hina had seemed, she takes Mondo’s warning to heart, at least to a certain degree. The next night, she lies awake until she hears the rustle of Sakura leaving. Hardly daring to breathe, she follows the larger girl from a distance, the bodybuilders heavy footsteps easily concealing her own. A loud thunk makes her throw caution to the wind, and she tiptoes much closer, letting out a small gasp at the sight of her friend standing over a tribute with a dented skull, a large rock in her hand. The cannon fire and Sakura’s instinctual blow to the cry’s source come in rapid succession. In spite of what has entailed, Hina poses no resistance when Sakura carefully supports the smaller girl, one hand carefully holding the back of her head, the other lifting her onto Sakura’s lap. Indeed, she casts her assailant a small smile.

“You’re so strong… I think you’ll win, for sure.”

    It is not until long after the fire of the cannon that the shaken girl is able to move again.

\---

    Mondo’s victory does not come with a dramatic battle, nor an attack by some sort of Gamemaker’s horror. Indeed, it comes while he’s half asleep. The first cannon wakes him, and his next moments are spent contemplating whether it was imagined. The next sends him bolt upright.

    “Wait… but… there were just three of us left.” He’s all but convinced himself he imagined it when the victory trumpets play.

    “Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you the victor of the 78th Hunger Games, Mondo Oowada!”

\---

    For those, like Mondo, wondering just what occurred, here is what happened:

    Sakura was awoken in the night from a nightmare. When she looked about her surroundings, she saw berries. Nightlock. She recognized them, having learned about poisons in the training center. They had not been in her pickings before.

    Celestia must have been counting on two factors. The first would be that Sakura was unintelligent enough to not realize the berries had somehow appeared, and are most probably a trap.

    The second was that by the time Sakura awoke, her perpetrator would be long gone.

    A faint rustling, perhaps in a panic upon noticing the girls preemptive awakening, was all Sakura needed. It only took a moment to grab a rock. Another to stand up. Another to overtake the smaller, slimmer, less active girl. As the girl choked on her death, an unsettling anger never before seen gleamed in her eyes. She managed a surprisingly strong blow across the other’s face, nails leaving a thin line of blood, before she passed. This was the first cannon.

    In the aftermath of the cannon fire, Sakura stared at her hands. She looked from them to Celestia and back again. Only she will ever know what went through her mind in that moment. Regret over the number of lives she has taken? An apology to those she was leaving behind? Nonetheless, the result was her searching the deceased’s jacket until she found a knife.

    “You deserve to win…” she murmured in her last moments, presumably in the hope that Mondo would see it in post. Brave to the end, it was without a moment of hesitation that she plunged the blade into her breast.

    ...Cannon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mondo joins alliance with hina and sakura, but notices people die a lot while he and hina are asleep and sakura is on watch duty. he brings it up to hina when they're alone and she refuses to believe that a friend would betray her, and mondo leaves the alliance on his own. 
> 
> hina acted like she didn't believe him but some of what he said stuck with her, and she followed sakura when she snuck away the next night. she gasped when she saw sakura standing over a body and sakura heard her and attacked instinctively. hina dies in her arms. 
> 
> when there are three of them left, mondo is awaken by two cannons in rapid succession. celestia tried to trick sakura with nightlock but sakura woke up before she managed to put some distance between them and killed her. she then commits suicide and mondo is the victor.. without killing anyone :D


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST FINISHED TOKYO GHOUL AND HAVE BEEN CRYING HYSTERICALLY ALL DAY AND WILL SURELY BE READING THE MANGA SOON BUT FOR NOW HAVE A CHAPTER THAT I TOTALLY DIDN'T FORGET TO UPLOAD SOONER  
> THIS ONE IS PRETTY SHORT BUT THE NEXT ONE IS LONGER AND IT'S GONNA HAVE MORE FLUFF BECAUSE FLUFF IS MY OXYGEN AND MY GOD I REALLY NEED TO BE HEALED FROM TOKYO GHOUL

When I awaken, it is a week later. I sit up slowly, free to move about. My scars, surprisingly, have not been surgically removed. Later I will be informed that Junko insisted they be left to maintain my tough image, in spite of my bloodless victory.

I squint at my bright surroundings and decide to look at my hands instead. Those are safe, at least; those are familiar.

The now alien sound of a door opening makes me wince and stagger, trying to get up. My fists are raised and I’m peering warily between them when I recognize a startled Chihiro. My eyes grow wide. I can’t believe my fortune. When I had kissed him, it was because I thought I would never see him again. As irrational as it was, it was an action taken in desperation to at least remove that particular potential regret. Now, though… I take a step towards him, and he raises a single finger from his tray. Unreadable eyes bore into me, and I pick up on the silent warning. I can’t, not now. I’m being watched, probably.

Slowly, I sit back down on the bed, watching him with the careful gaze of a recently returned tribute. No part of me can actually feel threatened by him, but hopefully it’ll ease speculation at my previous behavior. He rests a tray on a small table beside my cot and gives my hand a gentle squeeze as he gives me a fork. I allow myself the tiniest of smiles before focusing on keeping down the small meal before me. After taking my tray, he leans across my chest to pull my blankets over me, and it’s all I can do to resist kissing his neck. The next moment he’s gone, and I sleep fitfully in solitude, until…

\---

“RISE AND SHINE MOTHERFUCKER.”

I bolt upright with a shriek, falling out of my bed in the flailing that follows. Raise my fists from where I’m hunched on the ground, only to face nothing worse than Junko’s boisterous laughter. “Nice defense, champ. What’re you gonna do, pillow me to death?” She kicks my chest lightly, running her bare toes down my chest then and making me shudder. Eugh. I sure won’t miss _her_ once I get home.

Home. Fuck, man, I’m really going. The thought makes a nervous laugh escape, and I grin at Junko. “Yes. In fact, that is exactly what I’m gonna do!” I tug her down and pummel her lightly with a pillow I snatch. Naegi grins broadly down at me, and I beam back over her head.

“Nice work,” he says, faint under her shrieking.

“Mmm.” It’s all the gruff thanks I can manage, before a moment later I am struggling to escape death by manicured nails.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm going away for a while tomorrow but i'll try to keep updating while i'm out! if i can't, then expect a marathon upon my return :D

The uproarious cheering of the crowd as I emerge makes me wary of an oncoming predator. Driven to murder or not, the arena still fucked me up. I allow the audience a grudging, shy smile, feeling weird having to worry about my reputation after spending a few weeks worrying for my life.

“Mondo, Mondo!” Hiro says with a grin, standing up to high five me, shaking his head. “Who’d’ve thought I’d see you here again? Truly, remarkable victory.”

“I dunno, man. I’ve heard you were kinda psychic or some shit. Woulda thought you’d figure it out.” Definitely making an effort to keep the focus on him. While it’s inevitable, I really don’t wanna talk ‘bout my games.

    “Ah, well…” Hiro flushes, eliciting a trill of laughter. “Well, of course, I’m not surprised, but… So, no kills? Of course,  _ I  _ know, but howsabout you enlighten our audience about this?”

    Crap. He’s way too good at his job. “Uh, yeah, I… I mean, I woulda done it but, I guess it never really, came up as a necessity?” I shrug, carefully treading my line between gruff and soft. “I dunno, to win without any… I still have no idea what the fuck happened while I was asleep, speakin’ truthfully.” 

    He, thank god, utilizes my segway. “Well, haven’t I got the video for you! We’ll be back after this break to take a look at Oowada-san's Games.” Phew. I slump in my seat when the red light goes off and a curtain gives us momentary respite. Thank god I managed to keep my talking short and sweet. Of course, the film will be a challenge on a whole nother level.

\---

    It takes me hours to fall asleep that night, having my last night in the Training Center before I set off for home at last. I can’t get the image of Sakura collapsing in on herself out of of my head. She could have won, easily. I can’t imagine what was going through her head in that moment. I wonder, if I had had as many kills, if I would have done the same.

    “...Ugh!” I get up with a frustrated huff. I can’t sleep anyway; might as well wander around this glorified prison.

    When I catch sight of a small, shadowy figure tidying up the dining area, I can’t believe my luck. I utilize my newly enhanced stealth to creep up behind him and speak a hairsbreadth away from his ear. “Hey.”

    The reaction is immediate, him jumping nearly a foot in the air with a choked gasp. Chihiro turns on me, raising a washcloth as a weapon. His terror turns to relief in an instant, rage the next. 

    “Hhh!!” He lets out his breath in a huff and smacks my chest, hard enough to hurt. I can’t help but smile, but it fades at his immediate wide-eyed regret. He takes a step back, and the fear in his eyes breaks my heart a little. Of course, he’s been strictly trained in obedience. God knows what they did to make him be so scared now.

    I pretend not to notice, giving him a reassuring smile in the corner of my mouth. “Hey yourself, man,” I joke lightly. He relaxes minutely, more so when I just barely ruffle his hair. The tiny smile that springs forth makes my entire heart melt. I wonder if I’m allowed to kiss him.

    ...Probably not. Better do something less drastic.

    “Would you sleep with me?”

    ...Nice one, Mondo. It’s only with his immediate flush that I realize what a mistake I have made.

    Shit!!! “No! I don’t… I didn’t mean. I just. Fuck, I can’t sleep, and you, I don’t mean like that! Just, uh… Never mind, even this is too forward though, forget it, I’m dumb, I’ll probably never… Never…” See him again, anyway. Shit, man, so much for anything blossoming here. What was I even thinking? He’s an  _ Avox. _

    I never would have expected him to nod. He, too, seems dejected by this imminent departure. It’s so fucking weird, man. This whole… thing, we have going on. I hardly dare to breathe as I take jerky steps to my room, him just a quiet step behind me. Both of our movements are awkward getting into the bed, and he is fully dressed all the while. I lay on my back rigidly, a good foot of space between us. Why, oh why, did I get myself into this situation?

    Fingers carefully skimming my ribs make me tense. I turn to look at him, and he’s laying on his side, eyes lowered shyly. It’s ridiculously pretty. Moving slowly and carefully monitoring his reactions all the while, I roll onto my side. My hand goes to his cheek, and his eyes close. Soft hairs tickle my fingers as I just, kind of, pet him, wordless, no kissing involved. It’s… Really nice. His soft breath tickles my chest as he relaxes and curls towards me slightly. I work an arm under his head for him to use as a pillow, feeling curiously protective. One arm under him, one hand resting in his hair, it’s almost laughably easy to drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes here is your fluff good people "no one ordered tha-" hERE IS YOUR FLUFF WOULD YOU LIKE A SIDE OF FLUFF WITH YOUR FLUFF  
> please comment i am so lonely and also i'm not sure anyone is actually reading this thing haha, fun to write either way tho


	12. Chapter 12

    “--ndo! Oowada-san!” I’m woken by a familiar voice. I open my eyes slowly and squint in the light. Chihiro must have just woken up too. For a moment I’m elated as the events of last night come back to me, until I see his expression. He looks like he’s been eating something soft and just heard a crunch. Guess the time for pure relaxation and bliss has passed. I sit up and see Naegi standing a few feet away, eyeing the two of us with a strange expression. Startled, and but not appalled. More like he’s sad  _ for _ me.

    “It’s time to go,” he says awkwardly, hastily averting his eyes. Chihiro sits up, and a quick glance reveals his look of dread. “Um… breakfast will be on the train, okay?”

    “Right…” I get up a little, pause, speaking without even thinking. “Hey, Naegi, could I ask you something?”

    He raises his eyebrows. “Go ahead.”

    “If I wanted to, uh…” I shoot a quick glance at Chihiro, trying to figure out how to word this, “...take a souvenir home, from the Capitol,” Chihiro's jaw has dropped, and he’s shaking his head in my peripheral, “who would I ask?”

    “Um….” Naegi, too, looks shocked. Guess this is pretty out of the box. “I, don’t know if that’s a great idea.”

    “Figured that. Who’d I ask?”

\---

    The answer, as it happens, is the President himself, albeit after quite a bit of referrals. I imagine this is mostly due to him being here anyway after the recent Games.

    He raises his eyebrows as I walk in. “Our latest Victor, hmm? What brings you here?”

    I bow 45 degrees in greeting, a little awed facing someone I’ve seen on television so many times in the flesh. He’s always seemed larger than life, but in person he’s surprisingly slight. Green eyes look me over speculatively, and his bright white hair is combed back away from his aging face. 

    “Good morning, sir. I was, actually, wondering if I could keep one of them Avoxes.” My words are careful, trying to sound formal, and even… haughty. If I come across as as weirdly smitten as I feel, no doubt it won’t go over well. I should act as if I’m asking for a toy, something inanimate merely for my own entertainment.

    His eyebrows rise still further. “Oh? That’s a first… Why?”

    “Oh, you know…” I slouch against the doorframe, trying to seem cocky without laying it on too thick. “Don’t wanna hafta do cleaning, and hired help’s too fucken chatty for my taste. ‘Sides… wouldn’t mind having myself a toy, if you get me.” I try not to be too obviously repulsed by the insinuation… or by his reaction. The slight quirk of his lip is all too telling.

    “I see.” He nods slightly, turning his eyes to back to some papers on his desk, and replacing his reading glasses. “That’s fine then. Mind if I see what you’re taking?”

    “Yeah, of course. Uh…” Chihiro and Naegi are waiting awkwardly outside. I open the door and grab the former’s arm, try to make the motion look rough and careless. The president’s eyes narrow minisculely, and for a moment I just know I betrayed my intentions somehow. Then he nods, but his movements are newly stiff as he eyes the carefully submissive Chihiro.

    “Ah, yes… I think it would be best to get  _ that _ away from here.” What is with that inflection? Chihiro twitches a little and takes the smallest step back. Okay, what. Better hope I got a pen and paper, ‘cause when we’re outta here he’s got some explaining to do. For the moment, I shake the thought from my head and give the president a crooked grin.

    “Great. Thanks, Fujisaki-sama.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BANA NA NA PLOT TWIST!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry its late, no signal where i am so even this is a struggle. i might miss some of this week and if so will for sure have extra next week ^^'

The train ride gives me the respite from cameras I’ve been craving. As nice as it would be to spend time with Chihiro, maybe get some answers, I really crave being alone at this point. He trails after me uncertainly, and it occurs to me how long it’s been since he’s acted without orders.

“You know, bud… You don’t have to do any work, right? Just like, chill. Do whatever.” Blink blink. Sigh. “Seriously. As long as the cameras aren’t on to expose it and stuff, you’re free, ya know?” He still looks uncertain. “...The food here’s pretty great, if ya wanna give it a try.” And when I still can’t shake him off, I just go straight to my room and close the door. “Have fun!” I call sarcastically, practically hearing his silent panic at that fearful freedom. Hopefully he’ll figure himself out.

...Right! I yank off my shirt and throw myself onto the bed. I’m going to relax the fuck out of this place, son. Kick back, chill, and definitely not be incessantly nagged with worry about how Chihiro is holding up. Nope, I sure am not tempted to go check on him! Not at all.

….

….

...Gah. Why is it so easy to worry about him. I pull a pillow over my head, rolling to curl on my side. Not getting up. I need some Mondo time, and I’m gonna have it, damn it.

….

….

...After checking on him, just, real quick.

It’s a relief he isn’t still standing just outside my door. It’s good, but also adds to my curiousity. I poke around until I find him with a servant on the train. The girl is talking animatedly, making a series of gestures as she does. Occasionally Chihiro copies a hand movement, and the girl will take his hands to adjust his position slightly. She catches sight of me before I can duck away, satisfied with my discreet and super sneaky not-stalking.

“Good afternoon, Oowada-san!” she calls politely. Chihiro turns, his back having been to me before. His face looks newly flushed, excited. Huh. 

I slouch against the doorframe. Super chill, just a coincidence that I’m here. “Hey. ‘s goin’ on?”

“I was just teaching this guy sign language!” she explains cheerily. She must be really ignorant to not realize the risk of being so kind to an Avox… That, or really kind. She chuckles at my blank  expression. “My brother is deaf, you see. He can’t hear. But I found some books on this way of speaking people used to use, where they talk with their hands. It’s pretty great.”

“Really?” A way to communicate? “That’s… pretty fucking incredible.”

“Right?” She grins. “I don’t need to book anymore, so he’s got it now. It’ll take a while, but it’s real great.” Thumbs up. “Okay, Mo,” she turns her hand sideways, parting her thumb from the other fingers while bending the rest a little, “Nn,” she points up and down, bending her wrist to make the movement, “Do?” she sticks up her pointer and middle finger only with her hand’s back to me.

“...Okay, that is pretty fuckin’ sick. Did all that really mean my name?”

“Sure did. Well, I guess I should have done, O, o,” She presses the tip of her thumb to her other fingers, making an O shape, twice, “Wa,” holds up three fingers with her palm towards me, “Da,” just a thumbs up with her thumb-pad towards me, “Sa,” makes a fist, thumb outside of her fingers, palm towards me, “Nn?” the same pointing as before. As of yet, it seems like something even I could get the hang of.

“Cool. Welp, I should be going.” Seems like Chihiro is in good hands. Educational ones, too. They both wave as I go, Chihiro smiling wider than I’ve ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is called "zina googled japanese sign language" uhuhu :) please comment, im in the middle of nowhere and crave human contact


	14. Chapter 14

The festivities are a fantastic affair. The only time I’ve seen anything like it was, of course, Naegi’s victory last year. To have two in a row is unheard of in District 12, and the excitement is palpable in the air. Greeting prominent Capitol citizens is a blur. Playing the publicity has come to be more natural to me, and I can mostly space out those moments. I have more important things to think about.

Mother doesn’t laugh, or even smile. She just holds me, like when I left. There are tears in her eyes, but they don’t fall, or even soak into my shirt. She all but lifts me in the air and keeps close to me for the first hour of the party before retreating to the alcohol.

By the time I encounter Daiya’s old girlfriend, she’s well into her share of drinking, and insists I try some wine in a toast with her. It’s tart and bitter, but not altogether unpleasant, from what I garner in my small sip. Hers sloshes across the floor, for the most part. I try to return Daiya’s armband.

“No, keep it!” She’s flushed and giggling, but I can see a certain heaviness the alcohol is meant to be easing. “He’d want that. You’re a real leader now.” Her smile is huge, but she’s avoiding eye contact. I know the feeling; the mirror can be a challenge in light of his passing.  She disappears into the crowd quickly after that, and I have a moment alone with Chihiro. He’s mostly quiet, close to my side and alert on duty. It feels weird to send him to fetch food and stuff, but I wouldn’t wanna garner suspicion.

It’s during a moment of alone time when Taka finds me.

Know those scenes where two people run to each other in slow motion, most likely while sobbing? Those scenes where you laugh at how ridiculous the two characters are for being so happy to see each other? Yeah, first of all, fuck you, they have their reasons. Secondly, for the benefit of all you eye-rollers, our possibly-tearful reunion will be omitted. 

Still reeling from the force of our embrace, I grin widely at him, rejoicing in the familiar comfort of his sobbing. He, however, pauses in his tears to freeze, eyes widening shock at something over my shoulder. I look behind me and see Chihiro approaching. “Oh, brother, this is… My Avox?” I mouth the name at him, but he hardly seems to notice. I can’t imagine why he’d have such a strong reaction. It’s a little odd, I guess, but…

In Chihiro, too, I again see that strange recognition as at our meeting. Weird. The silence extends until I break it, but I get the feeling a lot passed in those moments. “Um…”

Taka blinks rapidly and shakes his head hard enough his hair floofs back and forth. “It’s nothing. Come, brother, tell me about you! How was, it?” He’s definitely caught off guard; normally he’d probably realize how little I’d like to discuss the Games. “I must say, I am quite impressed you secured bloodless victory whilst staying within the rules. Truly admirable.”

“I suppose…” Chihiro still looks as if the blood has drained from his face. What the hell… 

Taka makes a desperate bid for my attention, yanking me down to his height by the collar on the pretext of checking my breath for alcohol, “because it  _ is _ still illegal at our age, and I hope you’ve been mindful of that!” and whispers to me. “We’ll talk later. Just enjoy the festivities for now. You’ve earned it.” He shoots me a small smile before shoving me back and loudly scolding me for the wine on my breath. I can’t help but grin. Good old Taka, how I have missed you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 today since these are both short weeee


	15. Chapter 15

It takes nearly a month for the celebrations to die down. I’ve had barely a moment to myself since that damned reaping, so once things have started to settle I take the longest nap a human being is capable of. I’ve given Chihiro his own room. He tries to do most of the cooking and cleaning, and I insist we do it in equal parts. He still does more than his share, and insists via writing that he wants to do it. Could be true, considering how shit I am at both.

It’s a bit awkward between us. The haste that drove our initial closeness is gone, and the only thing keeping me to him is that strange familiarity, and, of course, the immediate attraction i imagine anyone would have. It doesn’t seem like we have much in common, though. Chihiro has begun to occupy his time searching for parts and sketching technological drawings I can’t make head nor tail of, while I as of yet have spent most of my time on a screen. In what little time we have alone, we pour over the sign language book together. It’s hard to feel uncomfortable when so intent on learning together and quizzing each other. The quiet ease of those near silent times becomes somewhat therapeutic to me. I find myself anticipating this time studying more than my old training or fucking around. I never even knew I had a side like that to me. It’s not altogether unwelcome.

Much as I enjoy the new ease of this pattern, and its predictable nature, I have to face that it’s time to get outside the box. The next time Taka comes by, I take them both to some random room. It’s got a chair opposite couch, and I take it while they sit across from me. Chihiro fiddles with the hem of his shirt, while Ishimaru seems oblivious to what I want. My tone does well enough to enlighten him.

“Explain.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 in one day what whaat, backstory soon and that's the funnest part so be ready! :D comment please if you wanna imsoalone


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I JUST GOT HOME FROM A THIRTEEN HOUR CAR RIDE SO IT'S LATE BUT HERE IT'S THE BEGINNING OF THE BACKSTORY
> 
> a very very vague blink and you'll miss it kinda reference to pedophilia, really nothing big just be ready for it? chihiro is speaking from the perspective of himself at like age 7 probably so he doesn't really get it or linger on the details 
> 
> to avoid it skip the paragraph that starts with "i'm bigger now" and just know that chihiro gets to go to work with his dad and see all the cool buttons and stuff

While my grandfather is the president of Panem, I still don’t think I’m very spoiled. He doesn’t wanna show some word--like ‘favorite-mismam?’ I’m not sure--so Dad has to ‘work his way up’ for his job. What that means is that he’s just a regular Gamemaker, not the Head, which is like the super boss leader guy. Still, when mom takes me out, I hear whispers. Whispers that we only get to live so good because we’re related to him.

I don’t think we live that super good. Our house is nothing like the president’s mansion. I still haven’t gotten a puppy after asking for _ ever, _ and I still have to eat broccoli. 

Dad works hard, though. He does this stuff with computers, and sometimes he shows me a little. It’s really cool. I’d like to try it sometime, but right now I’m too little to even reach the keys. He lets me sit on his lap when he works at home, and watch for hours as the numbers fly by, until I get a headache. I like the numbers, but I don’t like the headaches. I find other things to do when that happens, like helping Mom cook and reprimanding her for not knowing all my toys’ names. It’s fun.

\---

Dad won’t stop crying. I wish Mom was here. She’s way better at making him better than me. When I ask where she is, he just cries harder. It’s… scary.

\---

I’m bigger now, big enough that I get where mom went when she disappeared, but Dad  _ still _ doesn’t think I’m big enough. He doesn’t like to leave me home alone, or even with a babysitter ever since that weird guy had me sit on his lap for like half an hour and sing. Instead he just takes me to work with him now. He’s pretty high up there in the ranks and will probably be the Head soon, so everyone’s really nice. Dad’s a bit squeamish about me seeing the Games when they’re happening, but my interest in computers means he can’t keep me away. The others think it’s cool, like maybe I’ll be one too someday. I think that’d be fun.

\---

There’s only one tribute left alive, but for some reason she’s still stuck there. I ask why.

“They can’t take the body away and let her out until she’s put some distance between herself and the corpse. But….” Both tributes had fallen into a deep pit, and it was only luck that this girl just broke some legs. She struggles to scramble up a wall, but her exhaustion is clear.

“But… she can’t give up. She already won, but…” I frown at the screen. The girl looks so scared and tired. Why can’t they just let her go? 

“Clever, isn’t it?” one other Gamemaker says with a grin. “She’s won and is still stuck until she accomplishes a great feat… This torture’s one of our best finales yet.”

I blink up at them uncomprehendingly. I don’t understand this joy a lot of them seem to be feeling. Torture’s a bad thing, it’s so so bad, all of this is… Why do they like it so much? 

Dad grabs my shoulder bracingly. “I’m sure she’ll get through it, kiddo. Just takes a little time, that’s all.”

And it does. It goes on.

\---

And on.

\---

And on.

\---

Eventually, the Gamemakers fall asleep at their desks, one by one. I may as well be alone in the room, kept awake by the small sobs coming through the speakers. I can’t help myself. I carefully nudge Dad’s arms off the controls. Faced with the screen, I know exactly what to do. It’s surprising how naturally the coding comes to me, and soon the ground under her is rising. The girl--Kyouko Kirigiri, according to the TVs--let’s out a small scared noise, clutching the earth beneath her. It takes a moment for her to realize what’s happening, and then she lets out a relieved sob. Monokuma’s voice rises in interest over the narration, and one of the Gamemakers wake up.

“Wait- what?” She’s at the controls in a split second, shouting to wake the others. I go hide behind some piece of equipment, worried I’ll get in trouble. It’s weird, the mix of joy at helping another and the dread of punishment. It’s not difficult to know which trumps the other, though, especially when I catch the glimpse of the girl’s open-mouthed relief as she scrambles away from the body. The stunned Gamemakers are resigned to their fate, and send in the hovercraft. Dad’s eyes lock onto mine when he glances around, and the look in them scares me more than anything.

The victory trumpets sound like my requiem. 

He jerks his head towards the door, and I sneak out. My mind is reeling. I hear him say he’s using the restroom as if from underwater.

The moment he’s out of sight, Dad grasps my shoulders. There’s no question in his eyes of what happened. It’s like he knew I could do it already.

“Chi…” he breathes. I’ve never seen him look so heartbroken, not even when Mom passed. “Chihiro, what were you  _ thinking?” _

“I…” I look at my feet, digging a toe into the ground. How do I explain it? I did bad, I think.. But I also know I didn’t. “I wasn’t thinking. I just. Had to.”

The sheer warmth in Dad’s eyes fills me up from head to toe.

“Chi…” he murmurs. Then shakes his head rapidly, his expression falling into renewed panic. “Chi, we need to get out of here!”


	17. Chapter 17

We stop by our house while fleeing, and Dad puts me in some of Mom’s clothes from when she was little. It’s weird, wearing a skirt and blouse, but he says we need disguises. It’s definitely not unpleasant, though, kind of loose and comfy. Anyway, the next moment we’re out of there, and I wonder if I’ll ever be home again.

\---

“Daddy, where are we going?” We’ve been walking down the streets of the Capitol for hours and hours. I got something on my ankle, a sprain, when I tripped, so he’s carrying me in a piggyback. He sounds so tired. It’s scary, being here in the middle of nowhere, and realizing Dad can be just as helpless as I am.

His silence is just as telling. It’s too easy to substitute the words ‘I don’t know.’

“...Don’t worry about it Chi. You’re safe. It’s gonna be fine.”

\---

The tunnel out of the city has crazy security. Dad takes one look at the challenge before us and suggests we settle in for the night. We find a spot by a dumpster to sleep… Or try. I can’t. All I can do is think about how I ruined his life in my stupid, stupid moment of impulse.

...And another impulse comes. Only this time, no matter how much I’ll miss him, I don’t think I’ll regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uh ohhhhh ,, but 2 chapters today so just give me a minute and you'll see what's next :D


	18. Chapter 18

I don’t know how I’ve gotten through these past weeks. Creeping through the tunnel and having to sink against the wall to avoid trains, struggling through brambles that cling to my skirt, hiding within those same spines or scrambling up a tree to escape predators. It never stops being scary, but the fear starts to get kinda numb after a while. Like I’m used to it.

I’m going to die. One day when I wake up and look at my legs, the bones jutting clear under hollow skin covered in various sores, with a rumbling stomach, I know this. Only the frequent rain has been saving me as of yet, and even that’ll be gone soon as the true heat of summer draws nigh. Even knowing this, staring at my malnourished form with dull acceptance, I still get up. And fall. And get back up. Much as I’m sure of it, much as my body aches to give in, much as I long for some relief from pain, I still keep walking. It’s like there’s some drive deep down that keeps me from giving up.

\---

There’s a rusting ahead of me. My feet go to retreat, hide since I’m much too weak to climb, and catch on a root. Oh,  _ poop! _ I know without trying I can’t get up. Squint my eyes shut, hoping it’ll at least be over quickly. The crunching leaves come nearer and nearer, until I swear I can feel the shadow looming over me. Hear the movement of it crouching.

“Jesus, kid, what happened to you?” 

It’s been so long since I’ve heard a voice, I’m disoriented. I open one eye, then the other. A broad-shouldered boy with dark hair pushed back and heavy eyebrows lowered in concern. I don’t know whether to cower or breathe easier at last. Whatever the case, I flinch away from the large hand reaching out. The man goes still, carefully patient as I struggle to get a hold of myself. When I finally manage to sit up, I nearly fall back. The arm that catches me reminds me of Dad’s, somehow.

“Good lord, you’re like a skeleton…” he mutters. I’m being carried bridal style, but the attempt at sitting up has left me dizzy enough to not protest. It’s… nice, to feel like I’m being cared for again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes daiya to the rescue~!   
> (one more today actually haha)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did anybody order some taka's perspective? no? too bad!

“What the hell, Daiya? Who’s she?” I frown at Mondo’s swearing, but I can’t blame him at my heart of hearts. For one, Daiya just walked in carrying an unconscious kid in torn and ragged clothing, and for another, the disruption caused Mondo to lose at our Jenga game, so, yeah, only possible response.

Doesn’t mean Daiya will have patience for it. “Cut the fuckin’ talk, kid. We’ve got a guest.” He somehow manages to give Mondo a drive-by backhand without losing his hold on the girl. Mondo grabs the sore spot with a grumble, expressive eyes glaring after his brother. 

“What’s his deal?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea…” I murmur, staring after Daiya. He’s gone into his bedroom.

“Well, let’s find out!” Mondo jumps to his feet with a grin, both eager and vaguely vengeful after the blow.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I say, while getting up anyway. “Oowada-san doesn’t seem to want our company during whatever first-aid he’s…”

“So? We’ll eavesdrop!” He’s already tiptoeing to stand by the door.

“Mondo!!” I hiss frantically, close behind him. “We can’t, that’s--”

“SHHH!”

I poke my head out from under his to watch, clinging to him for balance in my precarious leaning. The girl is awake now, hazel eyes looking confused and not fully alert.

“Drink this.” Even with his gruff speech, Daiya's tone is a rare level of gentle speaking to her. He supports her head with one hand and holds a cup of some kind of tea to her lips with the other.

“...Ugh..” Mondo mutters after a while, bored with straining to hear the two’s muted conversation. “Can’t they say anything about who she is, or where she came from, or.. I dunno, something??”

I hum in agreement, then stiffen when I see Oowada-san start to help her out of her worn blouse. I yank Mondo back with my hands over his eyes, squeezing my own shut as I step backwards. “What the--” is all he manages before we’ve collapsed in a heap on the ground. The loud crash makes Daiya shoot his head through the doorway with a glare. I burn vicious red under his stare, and I can’t imagine Mondo’s feeling great in this moment either. The door slams shut with a harsh  _ BANG! _

“You and your modesty…” Mondo grumbles, sitting up and rubbing his head where he fell on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments are my lifeblood so if you've got something to say, don't hesitate!


	20. Chapter 20

Neither of us see the girl again until two days later, and after a hushed conversation between Oowada-san and their mother that I don’t even let Mondo  _ consider _ eavesdropping on. When they finally leave the room, they’re being trailed by a small figure in hand-me-down clothes. Her now brushed dirty blond hair still hangs in her face, and her eyes are carefully lowered. I peak at Mondo to keep from staring at her. He’s making no such effort, looking at her with a slight flush across his cheeks. Oh.  _ Oh. _ I’ll  have to talk to him about this; ten is much too young for us to even consider dating.

“Boys, this is Chihiro,” says Mondo’s mom, straight to the point as she gently ushers the girl forwards. “She’s going to be staying with us for…” she and Daiya exchange a look; she looks vaguely disapproving, yet resigned, “...for a while.”

The pause continues long enough for it to be awkward, and Mondo still looks as if he’s been slapped in the face. I take it upon myself to handle introductions. “Greetings!” I proclaim, sounding even louder than normal in the heavy silence. The girl jumps a little, and I attempt to embrace the concept of an inside voice. “I am Kiyotaka Ishimaru, and you may call me whatever you deem fit. Could I have your last name? I prefer to use polite language.”

The girl blinks. Her eyelashes seem way too long to be real in how they flash up and down. Finally, she speaks, very softly. “I… I’m sorry, I don’t think…” She tugs her skirt, an unconscious movement due to nerves.

“Well, Chihiro then!” Mondo says bracingly, loud and awkward. “First names are great. Never been that patient with all that formalities bullss...stuff.” It’s weird to see him censor himself on his own. I wonder if it’s fearing punishment or concern for a good impression. Probably both. “I’m Mondo.” He extends his hand gruffly for a shake, and I mentally kick myself for forgetting this courtesy. The girl’s lip twitches in what might be an attempt at a smile, or a nervous reflex, as she shakes his hand with the tips of her fingers.

It’s not as if the meeting goes badly, but to then be left alone with the girl as Mum goes to work and Oowada-san goes to do whatever--it’s definitely awkward. The stern glare we’re given when told to take care of her makes me sure any rough play is off limits. The girl is looking between us uncertainly when her stomach rumbles.

“You hun--”

“I WILL GET YOU SOMETHING,” I proclaim with my usual chivalry. Much as I am opposed to frivolous contact, I do wink at Mondo as I dart off. I’m still near enough to chaperone, anyway. I purposefully take my time, listening closely to Mondo’s attempts at conversation and staying prepared to dart the moment anything fishy happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taka is the best third wheel


	21. Chapter 21

As it turns out, there are some strange but mandatory rules surrounding Chihiro. Namely, she’s not allowed to leave the house. It’s weird; I’d never think of Mondo’s family as strict. I stubbornly uphold the rule whenever the other two are tempted to break it, but at the back of my mind I can’t help but wonder at its purpose. I can’t imagine any reason for them to be so adamantly against her going out, or even being near an open window. We aren’t allowed to talk about her to others, either. I start to wonder… if she could be on the run from the law, or something. The very thought makes me recoil, and I shake it off. No way. She’s my friend, not some killer.

And she is my friend. Ours. In spite of our seeming so different, we all get along well. Mondo and I make a silent pact to relinquish our old outside play and find new games that can include her. We start a contest for who can go without going outside the longest. It’s got to the point that the other day, my dad came by to ask why I haven’t been home for the week. He’s grudgingly resigned to our antics, though I imagine I’ll have to put a stop to it at the end of summer vacation. For the moment, though, it’s great. I can prove my sheer skill at kicking Mondo’s rear, and Chihiro isn’t alone.

I like her. Mondo more than likes her, I think. While she at first shies away from any rough play, which would be advisable considering how skin and bones she is, she soon shows a burning desire to grow stronger. Mondo helps her work out with whatever objects we find lying around, and it can be seen over time how her scrawny body starts to fill out with muscle. She smiles more every time she gains a pound or beats one of us at arm-wrestling. She actually does do this, albeit first from us letting her win. Later on, we don’t even need to go easy on her; at least, I don’t-- Mondo’s true losses are probably more from embarrassment at holding her hand for a long time than her growing strength. It’s a little sweet, as long as they stay chaste, as I’ve reminded Mondo in private on more than one occasion. She seems oblivious to his attention, anyway.

It’s really great having her around. She’s content and obedient following rules, which eases my paranoia about trusting her sketchy situation, and she serves as a judge for Mondo and I’s frequent contests. After the first couple weeks, I start to detect a slight bias in her. Frustrated with my third loss in a row, I confront her while Mondo’s napping. 

“What’s the deal?” I whisper-hiss, careful not to wake him. Chihiro blinks at me, busy scrawling out some numbers I can’t make hide nor hair of. “I  _ definitely _ won that last time, and probably the one before too!!”

“Um… I’m sorry?” she says uncertainly. “I don’t…”

Gosh, don’t tell me she hasn’t even noticed. I swear, these two can’t pick up on anything. It’s a good thing I’m here to supervise everyone. “You like him, don’t you? Be that as it may, nepotism is not allowed and I will not tolerate it!” She hardly seems to hear the latter statement.

“Like?” Her fair skin reddens faster than I would have thought possible. “No way! I don’t… Boys can’t…” She covers her mouth without finishing, looking horrified. I raise my eyebrows, and opt out of questioning her. These weird freak-outs of hers are pretty common at this point.

“Look, a little puppy love is fine. But the two of you had better not take this any farther than possibly occasional contact between your hands,  _ if _ that.”

Chihiro snorts, half amused, half resentful. “Yeah, right… It’s not as if he likes me, anyway.”

“Oh, he does,” I say nonchalantly, only realizing that this was not publicly known when her eyes widen. “I mean.. Um. Maybe. But that’s irrelevant, as neither of you are permitted to follow through!”

“He does…?” she murmurs, ignoring me. “Really?”

Shoot, I messed up. I meant to discourage her, not the opposite. “Well…”

For a moment her face absolutely lights up, before looking more scared than I’ve ever seen anyone. “Oh no… oh bad, that’s so bad…” 

Wait, what?

“How so?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me.

“I… I’m a…” she squeezes her eyes shut, as if bracing herself, then chickens out. “It’s nothing.” 

“Chihiro…” She looks way too sad for it to be nothing. “You can tell me, you know? Much as I’m opposed to not disclosing information… I won’t tell anyone! After all, a man’s word is his law.” I give her a confident thumbs up. She looks at me, seeming to search me for… something. Slowly, she takes a deep breath, stealing herself. I lean closer.

“I’m a boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliffhanger! friday's chapter is the longest in this fic i think. i'm excited :D comment if you'd like!!


	22. Chapter 22

When I wake up, Chihiro and Taka are speaking quietly to each other. His eyes are concerned, hers hesitant and scared. I try to swallow the small jealousy that surges up. Considering the man, it’s probably nothing. At least, Taka said nothing about liking her. If he did, I would know. Maybe we’d even make a contest out of it… I push the thought away before it can formulate. No way. That just sounds messed up.

“Hey, guys, whaddid I miss?” I ask sleepily, sitting up and cracking my neck. The two both jump, Chihiro in terror and Taka looking suddenly nervous. The hell? “What’s up?”

They exchange a glance, and my paranoia heightens. “It’s nothing!” Taka squeaks. Following the lie he’s almost immediately just  _ dripping _ with sweat. Real subtle.

“Guys, come on.” I glare at them seriously, insecurity making my toes curl. “Since when have we got secrets?”  _ Since when am I not good enough? _

Taka’s eyes flick between the two of us. “Brother, it’s not like that. We--”

“No,” Chihiro says suddenly, startlingly loud. She’s normally only loud when she’s deeply immersed in a game and forgets herself. “No,” she repeats, softer, “it’s okay. I should tell, anyway. Taka-kun, could you…?”

“On it!” He’s on his feet in a moment, looking immensely relieved. He scuttles away and I hear a door open and close. The silence that extends between Chihiro and me is palpable.

“Guess I won.” At her puzzled look, I elaborate. “The not-going-outside thing.”

“Oh, right.” Her lips twitch in an attempt at a smile, eyes on her knees as she twists her skirt something fierce. “Good job.”

“...What is it, then?” I burst out, unable to withhold my burning curiosity. I’m already on edge from that small niggling jealousy, so it comes out a bit harshly. She looks scared as is and that makes her recoil even more, so I try to lower my voice. “What you guys were talkin’ about, I mean.”

“Well…” she keeps her eyes downward, as if struggling to figure out her wording. “There’s something, I haven’t been telling you. I mean, Daiya’s known from day one, and your mom does, too, but… I don’t know. I’ve just been scared, since you guys are my friends and all… but I want to be honest with you.  _ Because _ you’re my friends, and it, it isn’t right. I want to be stronger, and I want to be truthful.” I keep my expression carefully closed, but can’t help leaning closer a bit. “You see, I’m… Not a girl. I’m a boy.”

…

“What?” Surely,  _ surely, _ I didn’t hear that right. Chihiro stays quiet though, looking up at me nervously, eyelashes overhanging a soft hazel gaze. Yeah, there is  _ no way _ she’s a boy. That makes no sense. It’s impossible! She’s fucking with me. That’s it, for sure. “No, you aren’t.”

She hardly seems to hear me. “I’m sorry…” she says softly. He. He says. I can tell Chihiro isn’t lying. Holy shit.

“...Yeah.” Quiet, then again, louder. “Yeah!” I’m shouting at him. “Yeah, you should be!” My vision’s gone red. “What kind of boy wears skirts?” Relish in how he cowers away from me. “What kind of person deceives their friends?” There are tears in his eyes. “You dirty fucking…!” My hand is raised, and he doesn’t even try to dodge, just closes his eyes and waits tersely, waits for a blow that doesn’t come.

“...Get out.” It takes every ounce of control I have not to hit him. When he hesitates, I slam the side of my fist into a table, making the floor shake.  _ “GET! OUT!!” _

I close my eyes to stop myself from doing something extreme. When I open them, he’s gone. I collapse to the floor, pinching my nose bridge.

A boy. Jesus! A boy. I have a crush on a boy.  _ Have, _ not had, too. I’m so stupid. That’s gross, right? I feel like it is, though I can’t get a handle on why. It’s not allowed! That is so, so not allowed! What would the others think?

And… not only being so cute, but he’s braver than me, isn’t he? He… I never could have done what he just did. I never would have done something like that in the first place, of course, but…. Agh! 

I grip my hair, pulling until I get a headache. I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting like that when I eventually hear the door open. I don’t dare to move or look as the footsteps approach me.

“...Brother?” I look up and see Taka peering down at me, confused. “What happened? Where’s… you’re crying.” 

I touch my cheek. Shit, he’s right. I swipe my tears away viciously. “Dunno.”

“What?”

“Where that fucker is. Kicked him out. We should have ages ago.”

_ “What?” _ Taka’s eyes widen in horror. “Mondo, no, you can’t! You couldn’t have!”

“Why the hell not?” I snort derisively. “The ban on going outside? Don’t blame ‘em, I wouldn’t want that freak parading the streets anyway.”

“No, Mondo, you don’t get it.” He’s got my arm and is pulling me up. I’m caught off guard enough to let him. “While you were asleep, he told me why.” Yanking the door open. “Chihiro hacked Kyoko’s Games to save her, and is on the run.” Dragging me outside. “He’s the president’s grandson, Chihiro Fujisaki!” We reach the road as the reason for his terror slowly sinks in and my heart starts to fall. “If a Peacekeeper finds him…”

“Shit!” I run into the middle of the dirt road, realize I have no idea how to go about this, and start to pace in frustration. “Why the hell did he go willingly? If I had known… god  _ DAMN _ it!”

“Shhh!!” Taka hisses. Some of the neighbors are giving us weird looks. “We should do something… we should get Daiya. He’ll know what to--”

“You do it!” I shout over my shoulder, already running off in a random direction. All thoughts of adversity are gone in the panicked realization that I might have killed him. God! I kick a fence. Girl or not, he’s my  _ friend! _ How could I be so fucking stupid? I have to do something. I gotta… 

There’s a small crowd of people up ahead, and I fight the urge to just barrel straight through them. “What’s going on?” I demand, not bothering with formalities.

A woman is startled into answering. “There’s a fight. The Peacekeepers grabbed some little girl, and Oowada-kun--”

“FUCK!” I ignore the appalled looks and plow through the crowd. The scene before me makes my stomach drop.

Daiya and Chihiro are both struggling against three or four Peacekeepers. Chihiro holds his own quite well, elbowing one in the crotch before being knocked out by the butt of his gun. Daiya, meanwhile, is a blur in how quickly he darts in blows. I jerk forward to help and a firm hand stops me. I look up. “Mom! They…”

“You’ll make it worse.” Her eyes are hard, but I can see the sorrow. I’m about to protest when a deafening  _ BAM _ pierces the air. Turn. It’s like slow motion, seeing Daiya collapse, see blood start to spread through his Crazy Diamonds coat.

_ “No!!”  _ I screech, not bothering to make my voice sound more manly like I usually do. I writhe in Mom’s arms, her having lifted me to keep me from interfering. Her grip is an iron, inescapable brace. There’s a bruise on Chihiro’s forehead, slowly darkening as he’s dragged away. A handcuffed Daiya has no choice but to follow, struggling to keep his feet. There’s a strangled sound close to my ear. I pass out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the longest and most intense chapter of this fic so far, and also probably my favorite >:D please comment if you'd like!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I'M LATE IT WAS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL SO WHEN I GOT HOME I WAS OUT LIKE A LIGHT I THINK I'LL POST THREE CHAPTERS TODAY THOUGH

When I wake up, I feel the gentle swaying of being carried. For a moment I keep my eyes shut, entertaining the thought that I may still just be a little kid being cherished. Taka’s fearful voice cuts through my fantasy. I open my eyes. My head is resting on Mom’s shoulder as she piggybacks me. We’re still not home. I can’t have been out more than a couple minutes.

“...What if we never see them again?” It sounds like Taka’s crying. 

“..That’s the risk they chose to face. We can only hope.” No tears, not from Mom. She’s grimly subdued.

“I killed them.” They both jump when I speak. “I killed them both.” Start crying, loud sobs like nothing I’ve ever let out before.

“Don’t say that,” Mom says gruffly. “They aren’t dead yet.”  _ Maybe. _

\---

Daiya comes home the next day. We’re all upon him the moment he’s through the door. I cling to one leg, Taka the other. Never lettin’ go, nope. Mother seems stunned, and oddly… grim.

“So soon?” she asks. Daiya shrugs. Ruffles Taka and I’s hair. I peek under his shirt and see his wound cleanly bandaged.

“Video call with the president himself. He said to let me go.”

“...This won’t be the last of it,” Mom mutters, which I don’t really get, but okay. There’s more on my mind.

“And… Chihiro?” I ask, looking up at Daiya.

He shakes his head. “Back at the Capitol, I think. God knows what they’ll do to him.”

\---

As it turns out, the answer is “take away his voice.”

 


	24. Chapter 24

“...My god.” My head is in my hands. When I peek at them through my fingers, Ishimaru looks apologetic, Chihiro frightened, as if I may blow up at him again. My stomach recoils thinking that I’ve given him motive to be scared. I close my eyes, determined to not lose my shit. The memories of that day he was taken have shaken me up as they came back. “I can’t believe I forgot…”

“Ever since Daiya, you’ve been more… spacey, on that stuff,” Taka offers hesitantly. “Mum, too.”

Chihiro shakes his head, surprising both of us. His hand has gotta hurt by now, but he writes, “No, she definitely remembers me.”

“...Now that you mention it, she kinda glared at you when you guys met. Doesn’t really talk to ya…” She lives with us too, but I’ve hardly seen them interact. “What’s up with her?” Taka shrugs, Chihiro keeps his eyes down. I feel like he knows more than he’s letting on, but I don’t press it. I’m not sure how much more information I can take.

“Fuck, man… I’m so sorry.” I stole his voice. I did. I can’t believe how fucking awful I was.. Am. I didn’t even have the decency to fucking  _ remember _ the guy whose life I ruined, and then I have the audacity to kiss him? Sleep in the same bed? Take him away to my home like a fucking  _ souvenir? _

“...What happened to your father?” Taka asks curtly, probably worried it’s a sensitive subject. Chihiro writes his response slowly, refusing to look at us. No fresh tears in his eyes, but that makes it even more heartbreaking, somehow.

“I don’t know.”

“Fuck…” I don’t even know what to say. None of us do.

Eventually, Taka hops to his feet. “It’s getting late!” he says loudly. “Past my curfew… I’ll be going now. Goodnight!” He gives us both a bracing pat on the shoulder and leaves, no doubt glad to be rid of the awkward scene. 

It’s a while before either of us move. Eventually, Chihiro raises his hands and signs one of the few sentences we both know. “Could I sleep with you tonight?”

He’s too kind. He should hate me. I don’t deserve this mercy. What can I even say?

“...Of course.”


	25. Chapter 25

I curl close into Mondo’s chest tonight, more so than usual. The nightmares will be bad, I’m sure, very bad. My stomach is made of lead. He asked me to tell him everything, and I did… almost. Not the most crucial detail, and I’m overridden with guilt. He thinks  _ he’s _ the one who ruined a life. He couldn’t be more wrong.

See, his mother was right. They did not escape so easily from their treason. When Mondo’s name was drawn those years ago, the moment he became eligible, it was no accident. Grandfather made sure I knew it. I was given my old front row seat in the Gamemakers room and watched, watched the reaping, the interviews, the Games, the talks with his family when he reached the final eight. And Daiya’s death. All of it. All my fault.

I killed his brother. I killed him. His mom knows it, I can tell. There’s hollow dislike whenever she looks at me, and I can see her thinking how it’s a lot more than odds that tore her family apart. I know what I should do. Run away, like I always do. This time, for sure, it’ll work out, because I know I’ll let myself die. I know it.

But I.

Can’t.

Do it.

Every time my resolve is heightened and I’m set to sneak off in the night, Mondo will do something, murmur in his sleep, or slightly tighten his hold, or sneeze. Whatever it is, any thoughts of escaping his side always fall away just then. I’m fully captivated; caught, hook, line, and sinker.

I haven’t gotten any stronger. If anything, I’ve just weakened. Every moment I spend with him makes me weaker, and yet I still can’t make myself leave.

I really am disgusting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU get some guilt and YOU get some guilt!! everybody gets guilt!!! :'D
> 
> please comment my soul is slowly being lost to the educational system and it is only those that may save it


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the first of two chapters i'm posting today weee~

It had already been a bit awkward between Mondo and me before. Now, though… Neither can look the other in the eye. He’s consumed with his own guilt, and I’m too scared to tell him why he’s actually the victim here. Taka comes by often, and I guess that eases the air somewhat. I focus mostly on thinking of possible programs. I itch to get some kind of computer to test my ideas out--my mind goes through concepts at a million miles an hour with only a pen for an outlet. I don’t ask for something more, though. I’m enough of a burden as is.

One day in early June, just a little after our truth bomb, Taka comes to me alone, while Mondo is off with the gang. I’m pretty nervous with him too, but at least I didn’t second-handedly murder his brother. He’s probably the closest thing I have to a best friend, at any rate.

“Mondo’s birthday is coming up!” he proclaims the moment he’s in my room, no time spent on hellos in his vigor. “We must plan accordingly, the create the most fantastic celebration one could possibly conceive!”

It’s impossible not to be swept along in his deadset enthusiasm. I smile a little and sign “plan” with a questioning look; Ishimaru has gotten the hand of sign language faster than any of us, so I don’t bother wondering if he’ll understand. 

Sure enough, he glances around before leaning in and whispering to me conspiratedly. Apparently he’s hoping to decorate the house in full with Mondo’s mother and surprise him, all while pretending to have forgotten the specialness of the day. He wants me to be the diversion, meant to keep Mondo out of the house for the day.

...Yeah, no.

Taka seems to take my open-mouthed dread as enthusiasm and slaps me on the back. “It’ll be on the ninth. Keep him out of the house until two, alright? I’m counting on you!” He winks and goes off to do whatever else.

...Well, shoot.


	27. Chapter 27

Taka wakes me up at eight o’clock sharp, just like always.

Chihiro makes breakfast, and the four of us eat mostly in silence, just like always.

It’s while I’m stumbling back to my room, intent on getting back to sleep, that it happens. 

A hand touches my elbow, and I know by its size that it’s Chihiro. Oh, god. This is it. I’m about to be murdered, now that he’s realized how deplorable I am, I’m going to be shoved down these stairs and die and I’ll deserve every second of it. 

While I’m waiting for death, he signs the word “out” with a tentative questioning look. For a moment I wonder if he’s kicking me out. Then he signs “together,” and I’m not sure if he wants a boyfriend or just some company. I go with the latter, because there is no way the first would happen.

“Uh… Sure. What brought this on?” He looks like he’s trying to figure out the appropriate signs, before giving up and taking out the small notepad he keeps on him now.

“I haven’t seen much of District 12 as of yet. Both times I’ve been inside for the most part. Could you show me around?”

“Course. Just… I’ll get dressed real quick, ‘kay?” I usually just show up to breakfast in a wifebeater and boxers, but I should probably keep a semi put-together image to the public, I guess. While I’m performing the smell test on every shirt in my room, Chihiro waiting on the stairs, I have a mini panic attack. Fuck. What am I gonna say? What am I  _ supposed _ to say? Should I start writing my will? I should start writing my will.

...I can’t find a pen. Fuck it, let’s just go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp. today's two are pretty short, but there's a fairly long juicy one coming friday. i wonder what'll happen~ :D


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I TOTALLY SPACED ON THIS SORRY SCHOOL AND ALL BUT HERE YA GO im gonna do three today this long one and two shorter ones

The walk is, well, extremely awkward. It’s tough to give a tour of a district like twelve. What do I even say? ‘There’s another starving person?’ ‘There’s pile of animals who have choked on coal dust?’ There is nothing good to talk about whatsoever.

In spite of myself, though, I can’t help but enjoy it. Juust a little bit. The silent company, I dunno, it’s kinda pleasant, not in the fun way of battling with Taka, but in like some mellow, comfortable, quiet way. Well…. comfortable but for the weight of me ruining his life. That’s definitely adding a bit of awkwardness to our relationship.

Eventually, when we’re at a relatively barren area, Chihiro extends his notepad to me. Six words. “Can you tell me about him?” Oddly enough, I know exactly what he means. Maybe because he’s always on the forefront of my mind anyway.

“Well, he was born on October thirteenth, and…” I quickly get lost in it. I mostly avoid thinking about Daiya, so it’s weird to just give in to the prompt and lose myself in nostalgia. I hardly notice my surroundings, and only avoid walking into things from Chihiro’s gentle touch moving me out of the way. I don’t cry, haven’t in the longest time. This time, though, it’s not due to restraint. It’s weird. Now, it’s because I just feel. Happy. 

Considering how I myself feel great talking about my brother, it’s surprising to look to my side and see Chihiro silently crying over a man he barely knew.

I break off mid-sentence. “What’s up?” I ask, purposefully soft. I don’t dare to brush a tear away, even though I kind of, sort of,  _ really _ want to. He just shakes his head, hiccuping. Yeah, okay, I can’t just fuckin’ watch this. I place a bracing hand on his shoulder, a compromise between my urge to comfort him and my adversity to invading upon his life more. He tenses a moment at the contact and then relaxes. Starts to lean towards me and stops himself. Takes a deep breath.

Chihiro gets out his pad and starts to write, carefully covering his progress. His eyes stay downcast all the while, and I can’t get over how pretty he is, like seriously, even now, clearly more masculine than he was seven years ago when we met, the softness of his cheeks starting to fade, he still really, really is.

I almost don’t notice when he jerks the paper towards me. Blink and grab it hastily. My hand stays resting on his shoulder while I read it.

“The Games’ you’ve had were my fault. They didn’t let Daiya go. They drew your name on purpose. But I guess that wasn’t enough, and they did again. Nothing is an accident. All because of me you’ve lost so much. I’m sorry. I can leave if you want.”

It’s a while before I speak again. Chihiro’s tension is palpable, and I get the feeling if it weren’t for the hand still frozen on his shoulder, he’d probably be long gone by now.

It’s weird. I guess I’m an idiot, because I know that the Capitol is awful, but it never even fucking occurred to me the drawing was manipulated. Probably not just for me, but for anyone in the districts on the government’s bad side.

“Shit, man…” I mutter, eyes skimming over the paper and resting on Daiya’s name. “That is so fucked up..”

“Sorry,” Chihiro signs, a sign I’ve seen from him way too much. He points at the note and my eyes trail down to where his fingertip rests, on “I can leave.”

“What?” I blink at him, genuinely bewildered. “Why the hell would I want that? Like, shit, if you wanna go make your own life or whatever… But like, hell nah, ya know? Why.. Shouldn’t you want me to leave? It’s my fault you lost your voice.”

Chihiro huffs, the effect of his frustration lost a bit in how shaky it is. He writes rapidly, “its my fault your brother is dead and you think  youre in the wrong here?”

It feels like that should obviously be a point, but there’s something stopping me there, and I think it’s more logical than just affection or whatever. “...Not really, no. I don’t think I’m in the wrong here.  _ Or _ you.” I raise my eyebrows pointedly. “I mean, it’s all the Capitol isn’t it? They’ve implemented these fucked up games. They wanted that girl to suffer, so you of course you would help. They took my brother, they took your voice, they tried to take me.. God knows what other shit, man.” Huff, feeling a little dumb. “I mean, really, what kind of world do we fuckin’ live in where you’ve been punished so bad for  _ savin’, _ not takin’, a life?”

Chihiro opens his mouth, as if wanting to protest. Nothing but a faint breath escapes, of course, but I get the feeling he was thinking along the lines of “But….!” I squeeze his shoulder gently and shush him. It’s so obvious, so I don’t know why the hell both of us are so inclined to self-hate. It’s irrational and instinctual and hurts so much to see someone else doing it.

“Look, dude,” I say slowly, still working through the words in my head. “I’m not really a mushy person, or whatever, but I think I do like ya lot.” I can feel his eyes on me, so I keep my gaze stubbornly in another direction. “I don’t want you to leave or whatever, and I don’t want all this shit to get between us, you know? It’s no one’s fault, it’s just kinda how things are. I’d rather just get to know, like, you, without all that baggage and all.”

When I dare to glance at him from the corner of my eye, now he’s the one with his eyes averted, his downward while mine had been up. His nose is pink as he writes, “there’s not much to know.”

I smile just a little bit. “Tell me about this not much, then.”


	29. Chapter 29

When Mondo and I get back, his hand loosely holding mine, there’s none of the grandeur Taka had raved about, even though we took an extra hour to return. There’s a cake, and Mondo is pleasantly surprised (of  _ course _ he’s one to forget his birthday), but no spectacular presents especially or a completely renovated home. 

When I raise my eyebrows at Taka, he winks. “How’d your walk go?” he asks with the tiniest smile, eyes lingering on our joined hands with a mix of reservations and relief. Oh, this little… butt. He set me up, and he set me up  _ good. _ My annoyed pout keeps bursting into a grin, though. Mondo’s hand  _ does  _ feel pretty nice, after all.


	30. Chapter 30

“Can you  _ believe _ that shit?” I burst out at the end of my rant, punching a pillow, not hard, more of a low, burning anger. Both Mom and Chihiro have this strange stubbornness about cooking for some reason, so I imagine they’re now making dinner together in stony silence. Maybe they’ll bond? Whatever. At any rate, I’ve taken this time to complain to Taka about how fucked up all this is. He, for once, is quiet mostly, even when I swear. When I finally break off, breathing a little heavily from my vervor, his quiet admittance is a surprise.

“I knew already.”

It takes a moment for me to process this. It doesn’t make sense. “What’re ya talkin’ about?”

Taka looks a mixture of sad and exasperated. “Come on, don’t you think I would’ve volunteered when you were drawn this last time if I was present? You’re my  _ brother _ , and you’ve certainly been through enough as of yet.”

This sudden truth bomb comes together slowly. “You mean…”

He shrugs. He looks disgusted. “I think I was drugged. When they drew blood, maybe… I tried to protest at the reaping, but it was like I couldn’t speak. My tongue felt huge, and opening my mouth was impossible. It wore off fairly quickly, but it was still too late.”

I squeeze the bridge of my nose. “Damn…” This place is a whole nother level of fucked up. Of course, I’m glad Taka wasn’t in the Games, but still, what the hell. I look at him seriously, caught in sudden resolve. “We have to do something about this.”

To my mild surprise, he nods in agreement at this vague proposal of rebellion. And this is Kiyotaka Ishimaru we’re talking about. Like, damn.

Before we can elaborate on this topic, we’re called down to dinner. Yay, cliffhangers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last of todays three!! nice ending i know


	31. Chapter 31

In spite of that small spark of rebellion, life stays relatively domestic and simple for the next few months.

The people of the district take well to Chihiro as he starts to get out more. While we have to be cautious with our image around Peacekeepers and all, the others are nice enough, at least on the level of “you’re a human,” rather than “mindless slave” or whatever. One day I come across the gang and they’re hanging out with Chihiro without any kind of prompting on my part; just because they decided to. They’re helping him work out, and they’re nice without being overly gentle or patronizing to him. Just, how they’d act with anyone else they chose to spend time with. All of them are clearly enjoying it, too, and some of the gang have started learning some sign language. I wish Daiya could see it.

\---

One day, I duck to kiss Chihiro quickly as he’s setting the table. He’s not much for PDA, so much as I would like to show him off, I favor quick ones when no one is looking and long ones when we’re alone. Misjudged this time, though, because while he’s smacking me lightly, I catch sight of Mom’s shocked glare. Shit. Oops. Later on, she confronts me about it, when it’s our turn to collaborate on the dishes.

“You’re… gay?” she asks slowly, eyes set on her hands as she works. I look at her from the corner of my eye as I try to figure out how to respond. It’s nerve-wracking. I’d rather not have this conversation like this, or right now. Then again, I’d rather not have it at all.

“Nah,” I say finally. Tempting to just leave it at that and let her think it’s a one time thing, and completely asexual attraction, but it’s now or never. “Bisexual, I think.” A blank deadpan from her. Sigh. “Like, attracted to both.”

“Christ,” she mutters, scrubbing harder than strictly necessary. “What the hell did that Capitol  _ do _ to you?”

I nearly drop my plate. As is, my shoulders stiffen as I go rigid. When I speak, it’s through clenched teeth. The more insecure about an aspect of myself, the more certain I seem, as if to compensate. “They didn’t  _ do _ anything. I always have been.” And it’s true. I figured it out long ago, but never could seem to face it head on, or even admit it to myself. It’s not especially hard to evade the subject, but it definitely was like I was lying to myself. Once I was drawn in the reaping a second time, though, it felt like that shit didn’t especially matter. I just went with what I liked, and it turned out fucking great.

“..Well, I don’t like it,” she says stubbornly. Mutters under her breath as she scrubs at a stubborn bit of food, “I thought I raised you better.”

_ CLAM. _

The harsh sound of me banging a glass on the counter echos through the room. I turn on her. Surprisingly, I’m not aggressive. Not even mad. I guess I figured this would happen. What I didn’t expect, though, was the confident defiance rushing through me.

“If you don’t like it, you can either deal with it or leave. You still have your old house, and this one is mine. You can go back any time.” Not yelling. My low voice is faint under the running water, but I’m certain she hears every word. “What you can’t do is try to make me feel bad for being happy in a relationship, or act adversely towards Chihiro for it. If you keep any of that shit up, I ain’t hesitatin’ to kick you out.”

The dishes are done. I flick water from my hands with a few violent shakes and go upstairs to my room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why can't they just be happy,,,   
> "i mean zina, you're the one writing this so you could just--"  
> wHY CAN'T THEY JUST BE HAPPY,,,,,
> 
> (i actually really like how i wrote this chapter,,, please comment and tell me what you think!! ^^)


	32. Chapter 32

The moment my door has pointedly slammed behind me, I don’t hesitate to snatch up a pillow and scream into it. _God!_ I kick a wall. _Damn!_ Tug my hair. _It!_ Punch the wall now, managing not to break a hole through it, an unusual thing considering my temper at the moment. When I whip around after throwing the pillow back on the bed with a vengeance, fully intending to angrily pace to let off some steam, I see Chihiro staring at me from where he’s seated, previously unnoticed by me. His eyes are huge, bewildered, and… scared. Always a little scared. I know all that’s happened to him that led to that, but I sure do wish there was some way I could fully assure him that I would never hurt him, no matter my anger.

Tentatively, he stands up from where he had been writing at the desk. Takes a small step towards me and looks up for leave to come closer. At my nod he steps nearer and gently touches my cheek, tilting his head up to look at me with wide, concerned eyes. It’s easy to tell he’s asking what’s wrong, but I really don’t know how to talk about it, or even I even want to. I just bend over to bury my face in his shoulder. It’s an awkward position, but it definitely helps, especially when he wraps his arms around me. My own hang limply down, like from exhaustion.

I don’t know how long I stay like that. It starts to hurt less, but the wound is definitely still raw. When I pull back, the question is still there, but more so than that is that sweet concern. He really is much too great to be allowed. I smile a little in spite of myself at the warmth that rises in me. I’m really way too lucky.

Of course, that affection quickly sparks a surge of fresh anger, at the thought that some fuckers would say I’m wrong for wanting this. Fuck. That.

He’s still waiting for some kind of response, and I know he would accept it if I leave things be, but I also know I owe him at least something. “Sorry,” I start, my words coming out jerky and forced. I’m having trouble not yelling, but I don’t want to scare him more. “It’s just-- Mom, doesn’t like this. Us.” Now he’s sad too. Damn. “Not that I’m gonna like, stop for her, man. This,” taking his hands, “is basically the best thing to ever happen to me. I just… _God,_ is it frustratin’.”

Chihiro looks at me seriously for a moment before getting his pad and scrawling out a note. He seems nervous as he holds it up to me.

“and you’re worried about what daiya would think”

Shit. How the hell does he know what I’m thinking before even _I_ know it? It’s freaky.

“...I guess,” I say gruffly, making sure it sounds like a maybe rather than grudging admittance. He smiles a tiny bit, sadly, but very sweetly too. Flips to another page and scrawls rapidly. I stroke his hair while he does. It’s super fucking domestic, honestly, and as cheesy as it is, helps me chill out quite a bit. When he finishes, I continue with one hand while holding the pad with the other.

“i know it sounds dumb because i didn’t know him well, but i really think he wouldnt be mad. he knew my situation from the beginning since he helped me change clothes and i confided the whole thing to him, and he never judged for it. taka has mentioned how he teased you for liking me back then, but even knowing i was boy it was still just the same way anyone would mess with a crushing kid. im being totally honest when i s̶a̶y̶ write that he was one of the nicest people ive ever met. as long as youre happy, i think hed be glad of it”

It’s so, so stupid to cry. It’s not as if it’s anything I didn’t already know, but somehow the reassurance from someone else is a massive relief. The way he writes it, too, I dunno, but it’s like I can picture Daiya more vividly than usually, maybe giving a thumbs up and mouthing “nice catch” when I bring Chihiro home, or waggling his eyebrows whenever we go to hang out. Even in our fights, never true malice. Always underlying his annoyance at me was this stubborn conviction to care for his us. I just wish I had told him how great it was when I had the chance.

I look like an idiot, a six foot two guy absolutely bawling, being comforted by his tiny boyfriend who just barely reaches five feet. I try to get a handle on it and just let out another sob each time. Chihiro is so great about it though; sweet and huggy and patient, it’s basically impossible to feel embarrassed in front of him… well, at least not enough so to stop. It takes quite a while for me to quit crying, and even longer to bring myself to stop hugging him. When I do, I see his eyes look a little red too. He was also crying? Well, I guess that makes me feel a little less like a weakling and a little more like a human.

“Uh….” How do I even say this? “Thanks,” is what I lamely settle for. He smiles like he can hear what I didn’t say.

There’s not much talking for a while after that, if you catch my drift. Let’s just say that I used to think that they just cut out the tongues of Avoxes, but as it turns out something else is done to them, because he sure as hell has one he knows how to use.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, you thought mondo was a super cool bamf? NOPE. angsty teen.  
> also those errors and stuff are intentional, chihiro is writing quickly and also makes more mistakes in like intense moments  
> also also, in regards to the last part, if you had your tongue cut off it would be like impossible to swallow and all this stuff. idk if that's legit the canon in the real series or just katniss' guess, but to me it doesn't really make sense, so i imagine they did something to the vocal chords themselves or something surgically  
> please comment!! :D


	33. Chapter 33

I can see the stalemate Mondo and his mom are stuck at. Neither has bent, and it seems like they’re just avoiding the subject. I don’t think that’s good, and I definitely don’t want to get between him and his own mother. I like to think I’ve learned my lesson of acting impulsively, so I bring it up to Taka.

“Don’t run away,” is the first thing Taka says, before I’ve even asked for advice.

...Darn. How did he know. He picks up on my doubtful expression and scowls heavily.

“Do you honestly think doing that will solve your problems, even after all this time?” Sigh. “If anything, that would just further hinder their relationship. Mondo would never let go of blaming her, or himself for telling you about this.” He squints at me empathetically. “Seriously, Chihiro-kun.” Even though he usually sticks to extremely polite language, I think he knows I don’t like being reminded of my heritage. “She loves him plenty, and will get over herself when she sees how great this has been for the two of you. Trust me.”

I want to. But…. I sign “Daiya” with a questioning look, three characters I get the feeling all of us know the sign for in that sequence. He frowns.

“That’s no one’s fault. She’s just hurt. Seriously, just stick to what you’re doing, alright?” He gives me a large, persuasive grin. “I’ve never seen Mondo this happy, in spite of all that. If you ditch again, I’ll never forgive you!!!”

I try to smile back as I nod, but I’m pretty sure it’s more of a grimace.

\---

I can’t stand just being a dead weight in the household. To spend the entire day in free time just isn’t in my nature, and never has been. Unbeknownst to the others, I go looking for work and actually secure a little job at a bakery. It’s nice there; I work in the back, so no one expects me to talk… or punishes them for hiring me. I get the feeling they’re putting themselves at a lot of risk in letting an Avox work for actual money. It feels very good though, to earn my keep for the first time. This has been going on for quite a bit, and I want to do something with the growing amount of money that I have with little to do with, as Mondo’s Games winnings have already secured a home and enough food for a lifetime. I ask Taka to come shopping with me.

“So much!” he raves enthusiastically when I show him the amount I’ve racked up. “I feel as if it’s not allowed for an Avox to be paid…” I gulp, he smiles, “but maybe some rules are meant to be ignored.” I don’t think I’ve ever felt this much affection for anyone in my life. Of course, he’s backpedalling the next second, on how this is a very special case and to not let it get to my head. It’s too precious.

\---

I decide to go for clothes. The hand-me-downs from Mondo and Taka are really  _ way _ too huge on me, to the point it interferes with my functioning. Aside from that, I remember the times when I wore skirts and dresses… and I miss it, a little bit, weirdly enough. I wouldn’t mind wearing them again, to feel that curious flow. It’s comfy, and gives a bit of a rush, I find as I try them on. I buy quite a bit, but go home in my old clothes, deciding for a new outfit to be a surprise. Taka proposes a (completely chaste!) date, and I agree shyly. It might be fun but for that lingering worry about his mother. I suppose I’ll see how it goes.

\---

All night, I can’t stop thinking about surprising Mondo. It’s stupid, and childish, but I’m still so excited I’m shaking. Thinking about his mom makes me want to throw up, so I focus on how Mondo might feel and my stomach flips in a whole nother way. I don’t want to put too much value on myself or how I might affect him… but the idea of making him excited definitely does sound nice.

_ Stupid, stupid, how vain can you get? _ I try to push those thoughts aside. Whatever! It’s normal to like a little bit of attention, I think, and… Just this once, okay? Tomorrow I want to maybe show off a little, and have fun, and relish in a little pampering, and then I’ll get back to my usual accommodating self that he deserves. That would be the least I can do for him.


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i was at a birthday party so this is a bit late, sorry! also on some days you might be getting just one really short chapter, i'd like to be able to post several but i'm running low on my stockpile and it's hard to keep up with school and all, and i'd rather keep the schedule consistent. anyway, enjoy, and please comment!

When I wake, Chihiro isn’t there, although there’s a warmth next to me that indicates he only just got up. He always wakes up before me, and is gone the whole day a lot, so this ain’t new. When I sit up, though, yawning, I notice a note on my pillow. “Please get dressed, I would like to spend time with you today,” is written in careful script. Well. That’s a first, as is the bathroom door being locked when I stumble over. It opens a crack at my knock, but only for a hand to emerge and sign “downstairs” before shutting again. 

What… My stomach gives a little flip as it starts to occur to me just how special this day might be. Sure enough, as I’m heading for the other bathroom, I pass Taka (seriously, does he live here or what) and he casts me a knowing look. “Be safe!” he says, of course serious but with a playful note to his tone. Christ. Why does it feel like I’m always out of the loop? Unfair.

I brush my teeth and throw on something clean (if I had been warned of this mystery I would’ve done laundry, this secretive attitude is why we can’t have nice things, dumbasses). Not much can be done for my hair since all the products I use are in the occupied bathroom, so I just put together some semblance of a manbun.

Scoping myself in the mirror,  _ meh. _ Not too shabby. It’s not as if there’s anything fancy to do in 12 anyway.

Just as I’m having this thought, I hear the click of the door opening. I turn, and wake up fully in an instant.

He’s wearing makeup, for one. I’m pretty sure it’s just a little, darkened lashes looking even longer than usual and lips slightly pink, but his freckles are still visible. Nothing too extreme, probably. He still looks like Chihiro, but his eyes stand out even more as he looks up shyly. His hair is always a bit of a mess, but there’s a purposeful flair to the chaos now, brushed and curving out in subtle uniformity. And… 

It’s not as if he’s even dressed up, really. A simple, sleeveless dark green dress that hangs down to his knees. Black leggings modestly covering his legs, and a white t-shirt poking out from under his dress. He’s wearing simple, practical brown boots, and there’s no frill or glam to be found. It’s so incredibly him, and somehow all these seemingly plain components mix into something stunning.

Literally, stunning. As in me standing silently long past polite admiration to the point it’s uncomfortable. Chihiro goes from shy, to embarrassed, to mortified, to concerned for my health. Like an idiot, I don’t snap out of it until he is quite literally waving his hand by my face. Shit, fuck. That’s awkward.

“Sorry,” I blurt, shaking my head rapidly. “I, uh. You look good. Where did you…. You really look great, man.” Not looking at him while I compliment his appearance though. Good thing I got a good scope now, because I will never be able to face him again. I only see him sign “thank you” from the corner of my eye. At least I can’t be the only one embarrassed; his movements are small and hesitant, especially apparent when he extends his hand to take mine. It takes only a light tug for him to get me going, and we’re off to do whatever the fuck he’s planning.


	35. Chapter 35

Chihiro’s plan, as it turns out, is a quaint cafe I’ve never been, mostly because I don’t get out much. The meal isn’t especially awkward, chatting while we wait (him mostly writing, of course) and just eating quietly afterward. It’s nice, just being in his company. A special kind of torture, though, shooting quick glances at each other throughout the meal. The surprise comes at the end.

The waiter lays the bill on our table, and Chihiro is quick to snatch it, with almost vicious eagerness. Is that a word? Fuck it, the point is, it’s weird. Especially when he starts counting out bills.

“Where did you…” He has a pen out in a flash, as if he’s been eagerly anticipating this question. 

“I got a job,” he scrawls rapidly on a napkin, extending the note towards me proudly. I can’t help but laugh at how sweet his expression is, although his face quickly falls. Shit.

“No, I’m not, like mocking you,” I explain hastily. “You’re just so cute, I guess, I dunno. That’s great, man. You don’t need to…” I have enough money for ten lifetimes anyway.

“I want to.” I can get that. Makes me like him even more. Fuuuck, I’m way too smitten.

Seeing how giddy he looks as the waiter comes by again and accepts his payment, I can’t imagine how anyone wouldn’t be.

\---

If I were to be asked in retrospect what we did today, I’d hardly have an answer. Typical of a day out in District 12, our activities are mundane and hardly noteworthy. It’s not the area I enjoy so much as him. Ask about what we did and I have nothing. Ask about him and I could talk for hours, list every time his dimple emerged, rave about the gentle glow in his eyes when he pet someone’s dog, note the taste of his lip gloss when I tugged him into an alleyway. All in all, a great time.

When we get home, I’m unable to go more than a few seconds without a smile on my face. Seriously, I had a stupid fucking good time. Not even the weight of Mom’s eyes as I go to the dinner table with his hand in mine can stop me… Well, maybe a little. I sober up a little while we eat a quiet dinner, but do occasionally pat his knee under the table. Even when more reserved, the lovey dovey atmosphere is palpable. It’s a good thing Taka’s having dinner with us or else a fight would have ensued for sure.  _ Especially _ when I poke a piece of food into his mouth. She keeps looking at me, but I don’t let myself see her expression.

Doesn’t stop me from imagining it, though. Agh. I squeeze Chihiro tight that night and try to ignore the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh my i wonder what kind of face that was? interesting... but yes, fluff chapter, pretty short, please comment, bla bla,,,


	36. Chapter 36

A few days after Mondo and I’s date, I’m awoken by a hand on my shoulder. I open my eyes slowly and am stunned to see Mondo’s mother standing over me. A look to my side confirms he’s still asleep. Her expression is unreadable as she steps back and beckons me to follow.

Well, shoot. I never thought I’d die in whatever sacrifice she must have in store, but I suppose I’ll take it. I carefully disentangle myself from Mondo’s attachment and tiptoe after her, easily silent in the warm wool socks I’m wearing.

She guides me to a room, and it’s all I can do to just enter without peeking around the wall. To my shock, it’s empty of chainsaws and other instruments of torture. 

Rather, it’s a dress. Floral and bright, but not gaudy. Mild greens with small areas in yellow or the gentlest pink. I fall instantly in love with it. My fingers are skimming the soft fabric before I remember myself and hop back, staring at her guiltily. I never thought I’d see it, least of all in this situation, but she’s smiling faintly.

“I was wearing this when I met their father,” she tells me, with a kind of gruff warmth. She’s the very image of her son, and the realization of that stalls my full comprehension of her words for a moment. Wait… This? It’s such a small dress, clearly for someone petite; I can already tell it will fit me… um, would, assuming it is a present, which is a very rash thing for me to assume, considering. At any rate, it’s hard for me to image a stocky, muscled woman like her, so young and small and… And happy. Two sons in the games have definitely taken a toll.

My moment of reflection might have seemed strange but for that when I come back to reality it looks as if she’s doing the very same. She shakes herself out of her reverie a moment after I do. 

“At any rate.. I think that Mondo would’ve liked you to have it.” Pause. “He would, too.”

“Your husband?” I sign without even thinking about it. She understands, though, and it’s that more than anything that makes me feels as if we really are past our differences in this blink of an eye. 

“Yes and no. He would… but I was talking ‘bout Daiya.”

By the time my vision has cleared of tears and I remember that I should thank her, she’s gone, pots clattering in the distance the only sign she’s still around at all. I run my hands down the dress once again. It feels right. It feels… like I belong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yahooooo, conflict overtaken. kinda imagine she got over herself after seeing mondo happier than he's been in like 5 years. still not a big fan of it, but whatcha gonna dooooooo. please comment! :D


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm gonna update just one wednesdays i think. sorry, but junior year and all, and i don't wanna leave things on a hiatus ever so i'd rather have consistent less frequent updates, ya know? here's a nice mushy chapter for your pain tho :D

Something is different about Chihiro this morning, but I can’t put my finger on it. He’s, obviously, the usual quiet, but when I drop my fork I see his legs swinging under the table, and in moments of quiet I can hear him humming. It’s kinda the best fuckin’ thing ever.

Well, it is the best thing ever until he straight up tugs me down to lick a bit of jelly from the corner of my mouth. That definitely wins, making my heart legit  _ stop _ in that instant. Skips two beats, first of, obviously,  _ holy shit,  _ and then more logically,  _ holy shit, mom is right there. _ I dare a peek at her and she’s merely rolling her eyes. Shockingly it’s from Taka that we’re reprimanded. I swear I see her smiling, and it’s all I can do not to tackle them both across the table. I don’t know what’s happened, but I sure as shit am glad of it.

...Well, until Chihiro starts to use his powers for evil. I was hoping this day would never come. As I get up to go hang with the gang, he grabs my arm and blinks those pretty fucking eyes, and signs the word “date?” with a questioning look, and, okay, how can I say no to that. It’s a weekend so he’s free, and I guess I don’t really do anything anyway.

I get hit by a drive-by while I’m getting ready, though. “Look’s like  _ somebody’s _ making you his bitch,” Mom calls sarcastically as she passes my room where I’m meticulously styling my hair.

“Ha-ha,” I deadpan back. Well, shit. Guess it is that obvious.

Honestly, I don’t even care though, when I see how pretty and just plain  _ happy _ Chihiro looks as he grasps my elbow. The dress he’s in looks vaguely familiar, but I ain’t so good with that fashion stuff so I figure I probably just saw it in a storefront before he bought it, or, something. In any case, he looks great, but even better than that is he looks even more confident now in it than he did in that green dress the other day.

...Yeah, okay, Chihiro doesn’t even need to make me his bitch. That has been a loooong time coming.

\---

We end up hanging out with the gang anyway. There’s not much to do in town, so might as well. They compliment him profusely on his outfit, and it starts nice but gets to a point of “do I have to defend my relationship with fisticuffs or what.” Chihiro seems elated in the most bashful way under the attention, so I let it be. ‘S not like they’re overstepping any boundaries, anyway.

Chihiro stubbornly insists on training even in his nice date clothes. I woulda thought this’d be a bad idea, but he manages to knock me out three times without sustaining a single scratch ‘cause I keep getting distracted by how pretty he is. There are more whispers about me becoming his bitch. I sense a nickname in the making. Chihiro, though, giggles nonstop at their gossip and shakes his head. Probably unknowingly, he’s slowly wrapping the whole district around his little finger.

\---

As if I really needed the nail in the coffin to becoming his doormat, he really rams it in as we’re walking home.

His near constant smile has faded into a tiny pout, what I’m pretty sure is his thinking face. I don’t press it, figurin’ he’ll get to it when he’s ready, and sure enough, he does.

Ohhhh boy, he really, really does. 

A light touch on my bicep is all it takes to stop my already expectant self. I don’t know what I was expecting, but it sure wasn’t what he did then. 

Eyes carefully lowered, he sticks up all his fingers except for his middle and ring. A sign I’ve seen in the book but never practice out of some strange bashfulness. A sign that, while it could probably be thrown around casually, with his careful approach carries all the meaning of a drawn out confession. 

_ I love you. _


End file.
